


Friends with Benefits

by Sg1sjshipper



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27598100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sg1sjshipper/pseuds/Sg1sjshipper
Summary: I think Sam deserves a sex life, even if she can't have the man she most desires.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 38
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

Friends with benefits

Jack walked into Daniel’s lab. “Alright, I’ve spent the last three months farming and building houses. Now that I’ve been released from the infirmary, I want beer and wings. Yep, beer, wings, and bowling. Let’s go out tonight.”

“Ummmmm.” Daniel looked up and couldn’t help but grin at Jack’s enthusiasm as he bounced on his toes. “Sure, I can do that, as long as I can have soda instead of beer.”

“Always the designated driver, huh.” Jack opened his arms. “Let’s get Teal’c and Carter, at least she’ll share a pint or two with me.”

It didn’t take much convincing to get Teal’c to join them. Sam wasn’t in her lab so the guys loaded into Jack’s truck, which Teal’c had driven occasionally and kept on base. They drove over to Sam’s house and as they arrived Daniel noticed a dark blue Corolla parked outside her house.

“Maybe we should go without Sam.”

“We’re having a team night and in order to have a team night we need the whole team.” Jack grumbled.

“Then let’s make it a guys night.” Daniel leaned forward so he was closer to Jack and Teal’c, who were both sitting in the front of the truck. “It’s been a long time since just the three of us hung out.”

“Daniel, what’s going on?” Jack glanced over his shoulder before pulling the truck to the curb and turning off the engine. 

“Sam has company.” Daniel nodded toward the dark blue four door Corolla. “She probably wouldn’t appreciate being disturbed.”

“Company?” Jack looked at the little car. “Huh.”

“Jack, we should go.”

“Right.” Jack turned the truck back on. “Going.” He pulled away from the curb and headed towards the bowling alley. They drove in silence for a few minutes. “Do you know who it was?”

“Who?”

“Carter’s company?”

“I met him once a couple years ago. He teaches calculus at the Air Force Academy. I think they met the first time she did a guest lecture there after she got to the SGC.”

“So they’re dating.” 

Daniel shook his head. “No, they’re just friends.”

“Well, in that case we should have invited them both to go bowling.”

Daniel squinted. “I don’t get the feeling they go out much.”

“Everybody likes to go bowling Daniel.”

“I’m just saying I think they do other things when they get together and Sam probably wouldn't appreciate us showing up.”

Jack shook his head as he parked the truck outside the bowling alley. “You’re not making any sense Daniel.”

Teal’c got out, closed his door, and walked around the back of the truck. “I believe Daniel Jackson is trying to explain that Major Carter’s relationship is based upon benefits.”

“Benefits?” Jack’s confusion suddenly cleared. “They’re friends with benefits.”

“I do believe that is the phrase Major Carter used.”

“Wait!” Jack reached out to Teal’c’s arm. “You know about him too?”

“Indeed.”

“Why in the hell am I the only one who’s apparently in the dark?”

Daniel walked past him. “You can’t seriously be that stupid, right?”

“Of course I could be that stupid.”

“It makes perfect sense that you’re the one person she’d never tell. I mean she just spent three months never leaving the mountain and rewriting the laws of physics to bring you home only to find out you would have rather stayed there.”

“I never said…”

“You’re right, you didn’t. After everything she did for you, she barely got a thank you.” Daniel walked away, letting Jack and Teal’c follow him into the bowling alley. Jack drank several beers and was quiet as they played. Teal’c of course won all three games. Teal’c dropped Daniel off before taking Jack home, promising to come back for him tomorrow with his truck. When Jack got inside, he had a couple scotches before going to bed.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00

Sam opened the door as soon as he knocked. “Good evening.” He kissed her on the cheek as he walked past her. “I’m glad I was free when you called.”

“So am I.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, opening her mouth letting his tongue trace the roof of her mouth, sending a spark through her. He backed her up against the wall, pressing himself against her as her hands pulled the hem of his shirt out of the waistband of his slacks. His hands followed suit, lifting her shirt over her head revealing her naked breasts. He growled in appreciation, knowing this is what she wanted when she called. He bent his head so he could take her left nipple into his mouth, eliciting a soft moan on her part. He pulled his head back, making a popping sound as her breast slipped from his mouth.

“Bedroom?”

She nodded and followed him down the hall. She reached for his belt as soon as they got next to the bed. He slipped his hand under her skirt, pleased to find she had also forgone panties. He slipped two fingers inside her as she gripped his hardening cock. She rubbed herself against his palm as his fingers curled inside her. His lips latched onto her breast and he sucked. Her grip on him tightened slightly as his tongue swirled around her nipple. His mouth released her, he lifted her skirt and turned her towards the bed. She spread her legs and pressed her palms on the mattress. He slid his cock between her folds before sliding the tip inside her. She moaned in pleasure, so he moved forward, keeping his hands firmly on her hips. 

“Oh, yes.”

He slid in until his hips hit her ass. He only gave her a moment to adjust, knowing she preferred it when he was rough. He wasn’t sure how long he could last; it had been nearly four months since the last time they had gotten together. She reached down and massaged her clit as he tried to hold out by doing calculations in his head. Once he knew she’d orgasmed he let himself lose control. He held her hips against him until he knew he was done and then he pulled her up to standing against his chest. He kissed her neck.

“You are an amazing woman.”

“You’re pretty damn good yourself.” She looked over her shoulder. “Thanks for always knowing just what I need.”

“I was starting to wonder if what I offer was no longer of interest to you.”

Sam’s face fell. “I was working on a project. Today’s the first day I’ve been home in over three months.”

“Wow, glad you’re back.” His hand splayed across her abdomen. “Have you had dinner?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“You really ought to eat more. I can cook us something.”

Sam puckered her lips. “When I say I haven't been here in over three months I mean that literally. I doubt there is anything edible here.”

“Then we order. What do you feel like?”

Jason ordered chinese while Sam cleaned up. He checked her kitchen and found it was just as dire as she had warned. He threw out a few things he couldn’t identify and took the trash out, since it smelled downright awful. Sam was making tea when he walked back in. 

“You weren’t lying about your food stores. I hope you don’t mind but I tossed a few things that were taking on a life of their own.”

Sam gave him an appreciative grin. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“This seems to happen to you a lot.”

“I do sometimes end up being sent on missions that last longer than planned.”

“It’s a good thing you don’t have anything alive other than plants here.”

“And I’ve been through a few of those the last couple years.” Sam looked over at a fern that was almost dead. Thankfully her cactus was still doing fine. The teapot began to steam, so Sam took it off the stove and poured the hot water into two mugs.

“Was he on this trip with you?”

Sam took the mugs to the table and sat across from Jason. “No, actually, he was who I was trying to save.”

“Oh.” Jason’s eyes widened. “Did you? Save him I mean.”

She looked into her mug as her face fell. “I did, well we did.”

“You don’t look too happy about it.”

Sam swallowed as tears gathered in her eyes. “He...he didn’t think he was going to get rescued and he…” Sam blew on her piping hot tea. 

“He what?”

Sam bit her lower lip as tears gathered in her eyes. “He made a life.”

“As in?”

“He met someone.”

“Oh, Sam.” He reached across the table. “I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged. “It’s not like we were in a relationship or anything.”

“I know but you cared for him.”

“Isn’t it better that I know now. At least I can work on getting him out of my system.”

“Is that what we’re doing tonight?”

She looked up at him. “It’s a first step, maybe.”

Jason gave her a half grin. “I’m always happy to help when I can.” He squeezed her hand again. “That idiot has no idea what he’s missing.”

The knock at the door saved her from having to cobble together an answer. He told her about some of the new cadets while they ate. After dinner they curled up on her sofa but before he could turn on the television, she ran her hand up his thigh and over his crotch. He didn’t need to be asked twice. She quickly opened his fly and pulled out his semi-hard cock as she leaned over. She took him in her mouth and brought him close to the edge.

“Sam.”

“Mmmmmm?” Her hum made him gasp in pleasure.

“Stop.” She slowly slid her lips up, sucking as she went. “Damn but that’s evil.” Her lips popped off. “My turn.”

Sam laughed as he pushed her back against the arm of the sofa. He lifted her skirt and was pleased to find her already wet. His lips descended on her and she eagerly held his head as he sucked on her clit. He slid two fingers inside her as his tongue flicked her bud. She screamed as she orgasmed, making him grin in pride. He slowed the movement of his tongue as she slowed her breathing. When she came back to her senses she climbed onto his lap and kissed him, seeking her taste on his tongue. Without breaking the kiss, she lifted her hips and lowered herself on his throbbing cock. She moaned as he filled her, shifting her hips slightly to get the best angle. Once he was fully sheathed within her she moved her hips in a circle to the right and then to the left. His fingers dug into her hips, making her smile. She slid herself up, making sure her clit rubbed against his groin and abdomen as she moved. She increased her pace, with Jason’s help, as she got closer to another orgasm. His groan let her know he had peaked. She pressed herself against him, rubbing her clit hard, for two more thrusts before finding her own release. She collapsed against him as he rubbed her back. 

“You know sex is even hotter when you keep some of your clothes on.”

Sam sat up and looked at him. “Really?” 

“Oh absolutely.” He kissed her. “I could stay the night, if you want a shoulder to cry on, or an early morning romp, or both.”

“I try to reserve crying on shoulders for more important things than schoolgirl crushes and we agreed we’d never cross the line to staying the night.”

“Being gone for three months and watching a man you care for fall for someone else seems like reasons to cross the line.”

“You have class tomorrow and I’m supposed to be at a briefing. We should get some sleep.”

“Thanks to you I shouldn’t have any trouble getting a good night’s sleep.”

She lifted herself off his lap. She pulled her skirt down and straightened her top. “I’m glad I can be your sleeping pill.”

He reached out for her. “You know that isn’t what I meant.”

She sighed. “Yes, I do. I’m just being a bit dramatic.”

He stood up, adjusted himself, and put his pants back on. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. “You’re sure? I could be as snuggly as a teddy bear.”

“No but thank you for the offer and the dinner. My treat next time.”

“Deal.” He left her after one last kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking back over the last few years.

Chapter 2  
All mistakes are mine.

Sam lays down as her head begins to spin with thoughts about Colonel O’Neill and Jason. Jason had been there for her every time Colonel O’Neill couldn’t be what she wanted. She went on a couple dates with him after moving to Colorado Spring, well before she started to think of Colonel O’Neill as a man with whom she’d like to have a relationship. They’d hit it off, but she’d made it clear she wasn’t in the market for a relationship. He wasn’t opposed to keeping it casual. They’d had sex a couple times before Sam came home from watching her ex-fiancé Hanson die. When she got home and had a message from Jason, she called him and said she’d love to come over to his apartment if he had time. She was screwing him less than twenty minutes later. When they got done and were wrapped up in his bedsheets, she told him about her failed relationship and Hanson’s death. He held her while she cried and then screwed her again as she begged him to help her forget. Although it was early morning when she left, they had not technically slept together.

She’d sought him out after helping to clean out Daniel’s office and apartment. Her grief had been deep and after sex he’d again held her as she cried. She promised sex with her wouldn’t always end in tears. She called him when she got back from McMurdo. Listening to Jack ask for his ex-wife as he thought he was dying had left her wondering if she would ever find someone to care for so much that she would push herself to live just to get back to them. She knew Jason wasn’t that man, but for that night he was able to make her forget that she wasn’t in a real relationship. He was glad their sex had ended with her smiling not crying.

Jolinar had left her depressed but she had also implanted Sam with new knowledge, most of which Sam wasn’t even aware of yet. Once Janet released Sam from the infirmary she went home, called Jason, and took a long shower. He arrived before she had gotten dressed. She dropped her towel and dropped to her knees in her hall. Jason told her afterwards that he’d never had a better blow job. It was months before she realized her skills had been enhanced by Jolinar’s knowledge. It also turned out Jolinar had liked sex a bit rough and once Sam tried it, she discovered she liked it as well. Jason wasn’t opposed, he even bought them a few new toys.

When she got back from Washington after finding out her father had cancer, she picked up pizza on the way to Jason’s apartment. They ate while the pizza was hot and then enjoyed each other for dessert. He knew she was upset but he waited until they were satiated to ask her what had happened. He again held her as she cried, telling her he was happy to help her in any way she needed. She had almost stayed that night, desperate to feel loved as she thought about being an orphan, but she left before the sun rose without letting herself sleep in his arms.

When his father died, she went to the funeral, slowly walking along the line of his family shaking their hands and introducing herself as a friend who knew him from the Academy. She went home after the funeral knowing he would be there as soon as he could escape. She made dinner and had it waiting for him when he arrived. After they ate, they sat on her sofa and he told her about growing up and the role model his father had been for him. There was no sex that night, but she held him for hours and provided him as much support as possible. He left just before dawn.

She showed up at his door as the ancient knowledge in Jack’s brain threatened to kill him. She only stayed a few hours, because she knew she was needed in the mountain, but she also needed the comfort she found in having her body thoroughly used. When Jack survived, she celebrated by inviting Jason over for dinner and a dessert, which she served on her naked chest. Sometimes they got together just because one of them, but usually both of them, needed the physical release.

When she got home from 1969, she came close to staying with Jason overnight, but not because they were sleeping. Jason told her he had never seen her more worked up. Jason had no idea that she’d spent days looking at Jack in those jeans that had fit him just so right and thoughts of screwing him in that psychedelic bus had filled her dreams each night. He let her have total control and she took full advantage of it, playing out the many fantasies that had filled her dreams while Jack slept next to her ever so many years ago.

She went home alone after escaping Hathor’s fake SGC, thankful that Jack had not been turned into a host but also struggling with the ghost of feeling of his hands wrapped around her as they hid and the memory of their hug when she found him. As she had sat on her sofa with her hands in her sweatpants, she thought about the way he looked down at her chest, knowing she was naked under the metallic blanket. She’d gotten home too late to call Jason even though her body was demanding attention after being so close to Jack and then almost losing him again. She was about to climax when there was a knock at her door. Sam considered ignoring the knock, but she knew her moment was gone. She’d hoped it would be Jason but sadly it was just a neighbor letting her know the interior light in her car was still on. Sam thanked her neighbor. When she went to turn off the light, she decided she better crank her car and drive it a bit, to make sure her battery was fine. She ended up at Jason’s apartment and even though it was late he was happy to entertain her needs.

Watching Jack kiss the alternate reality Sam Carter had torn her to pieces. She left work early and went straight to the Academy, knowing Jason would still be at work. When he saw her in his office doorway looking as if she had been beaten, he knew his grading could wait. They went to his apartment where they slowly had sex, making sure to touch each other everywhere. Afterwards she curled up in his arms and told him about watching the man she cared for kiss another woman. He held her tightly and told her the man was an idiot. It helped her to admit to someone that she cared for Jack, even if she didn’t exactly explain to Jason that he was her commanding officer.

When she had awakened from a nightmare where she shot the alien posing as Jack she reached for her phone. She clutched it to her chest trying to talk herself out of calling him. She checked the clock; he’d be getting up to go for a run soon. She put the phone down and headed to his apartment. He agreed that vigorous sex was a decent substitute for his usual run.

Lying in bed thinking about her history with Jason and her now undeniable feelings for Jack made her stomach burn. Sending Jason away had been the right decision but laying here alone hurt. She took little solace in knowing Jack was also alone tonight, since he’d spent the last three months having the type of relationship she’d been denied. The type of relationship she wished she could have with him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- 

Jack spent two days avoiding Sam while he thought about the man who owned that car. He didn’t realize that she was also avoiding him. Even though Daniel had hinted at how Sam had driven herself to get him home he didn’t fully appreciate all she had done, even after reading her summary of the particle generator’s development. Janet made a few comments about hoping Sam would get some sleep and put back on some weight while she was taking another tube of blood four days after he’d returned. He knew she wasn’t just making idle conversation.

In the days leading up to his undercover mission he kept an eye on when Sam checked in and out of the mountain. She left at 2000 on a Wednesday. He drove by her house and saw that same blue Corolla. He drove down the street and pulled out his cell phone, dialing 2 on his speed dial. It went to her machine, so he hung up without leaving a message. She left at a reasonable hour after he stole from the Tollan. His curiosity couldn’t be tamed so he followed her at a safe distance. He didn’t recognize the building where she parked but he watched her walk in as if she knew the place well. She was oblivious to his tail, something her training should have let her detect. He added that to their future training. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jack’s attitude towards her was eating her alive. Makepeace’s comments about having to earn her place on his team because he wasn’t as easy to charm as O’Neill also had her fuming. Jason wasn’t surprised to see her three days in a row after she told him that her new commanding officer kept making comments implying the best way to get in his good favor was sexual favors. He suggested going to her base commander, but she knew General Hammond had enough to deal with right now. She also wanted to handle her own problems. Jason wondered if the other members of her team could help her. She knew Daniel would make things worse by either going to General Hammond or making a scene with Makepeace and Teal’c might just kill the man, which would cause more problems than just ignoring his comments. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to deal with misogynist jerks in the military and she doubted it would be the last. She was just glad she could talk to Jason and express her sexuality in safety.

Once Jack’s deception was revealed and he was back in good standing at the SGC he checked the gate records and saw Sam had left around 2000 three days in a row. His gut rolled at the thought that she had sought that man out again, especially since he had been pushing her into his arms. 

Jack followed her as she left the mountain after he let Alar impact the iris. He knew Sam had been shocked at his action and he had hoped she would seek him out to talk about it but instead she drove to that apartment complex again. Jack waited and watched the building for two hours before deciding she wasn’t coming out any time soon. He drove home angry that he couldn’t be the one to comfort her, especially when it was his fault that she was upset.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- 

The armbands kept her trapped in the mountain for days. She preferred being able to seek physical relief on a regular basis, especially since being around Jack got her worked up. Now these armbands were ramping up her hormones and keeping her trapped in a room with her main obsession, while also being monitored on camera all day every day. She couldn’t even get away with touching herself! Thankfully when they temporarily escaped to O’Malleys she was able to quickly get a little relief in the women’s bathroom, even though it was far from enough. She knew when this was over, she was going to need Jason to lean her over the back of her sofa and make her scream. 

All her thoughts of a sexual release with Jason dissolved when she looked at Jack from across that force field. Guilt gripped her as she saw her feelings reflected in his face. He didn’t leave her. She was about to die, and he didn’t leave, even to save his own life. 

She couldn’t look at him when they got back. She’d been using Jason as a substitute for Jack for years and now that she knew Jack had feelings for her she felt guilty. Although she didn’t call Jason when she got back, he called her. Part of her wanted to tell him she couldn’t meet with him again but then she decided his arms were better than no arms. She’d never lied to him or pretended this was anything more than friends finding comfort in physical acts. Even though she knew she hadn’t made promises to Jason or Jack she also decided not to tell Jason that she knew Jack cared for her. She felt guilty as he made her orgasm because her thoughts were of Jack’s face on the other side of the force field.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack sought her out as soon as he could escape the brass’ inquiries into Martouf’s death. Her lab was dark. He stopped by the infirmary, hoping Janet had kept her so the sedative had more time to wear off, but she’d been released two hours before he stopped by. He called the security gate and found out she’d left a while ago. He figured he knew where she was and although it wasn’t any of his business he still drove by and looked for her car. When he saw she was back at the apartment complex he went home and drowned himself in beer and scotch. 

She broke the rules that night. She cried herself to sleep in Jason’s arms. Losing Martouf after lying to Jack and telling him she wanted to keep it in the room had put her through the emotional wringer. She’d been so upset when she arrived at Jason’s door that all they did was sit and talk until her tears stopped and sleep captured her. Jason carried her to his bed, took off her shoes and pants, and tucked her in. She was surprised to find herself in his bed when she woke the next morning and even more surprised to find she was still mostly dressed. She had no idea how she’d slept all night wearing her bra. When Jason heard her moving, he reached over and laid a hand on her back.

“You ok this morning?”

She rolled towards him. “Yes, thanks.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry I broke the rules.”

“I’ve been trying to get you to stay the night for years.” He leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips. “I know you aren’t interested in anything more than friendship.”

“So, this hasn’t ruined everything?”

“Absolutely not, as a matter of fact it opens up opportunities for morning sex.”

“It takes me a little longer to come in the mornings.”

“I like a challenge.” His hand slipped under her shirt and cupped her bra covered breast.

“Next time I fall asleep fully dressed feel free to take my bra off.”

“Mmmmmmm.” He moved closer and nipped at her neck. “Next time you’ll wake up naked.”

“I like sleeping naked.”

“Now see, I’ve learned something today.” He unclasped her bra. “Always a good day when you learn something.”

“And when you start off having sex.”

“That too.” He cupped her now free breasts as his tongue pressed between her lips. She slid her hand into his boxers, making him groan in pleasure as she gripped him. Sam twisted her hand as she stroked him from base to tip. As soon as she let go of him, she sat up and pulled off her shirt and bra. She leaned over, moved back the covers, and pulled his boxers down so she could wrap her lips around him. Her mouth quickly slid up and down, working him quickly towards his peak. 

“Sam.” His warning was all she needed to hear. She slipped her mouth off of him, turned to sit on the edge of the bed and slipped off her underwear. He slid his boxers the rest of the way off before she turned back towards him. She lifted up and moved one leg over him, slowly lowering herself on him. Her eyes closed as she slid down, fully enveloping him. He held her hips to guide her down. Once she was seated on him, she leaned forward and captured his lips in a long slow kiss. She rubbed her clit against his hip bone as they kissed, making her abdominal muscles twitch. As the kiss ended, she put her hands on the headboard and levered herself forward, dragging her clit across him. They both moaned in pleasure as she moved. She picked up her pace and lifted herself higher with each bounce. He lifted his hips, adding to their combined pleasure, until he groaned his release. Sam reached down and pulled on her clit, giving herself the last push to fall over the edge. She collapsed onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

“Oh, yeah. Morning sex gets the day started off right.” Jason rubbed her back.

“I do think I might be able to smile just a little today.” Sam gave him one last kiss before sliding off of him. 

“I’m going to use your bathroom real quick and then head home for a shower and change of clothes.”

“Be my guest.” He watched her walk naked towards his bathroom. “And I mean that literally, you can be my guest any time.” She smirked as she closed the door behind herself. 

Grief hit her again as she got to the mountain, but her morning did help center her emotions, keeping her on a more even keel. She was quiet at work and the guys gave her space, which she appreciated. She left in time to have dinner with Jason and go back to her place. She was pleased to see he had packed a bag. Jack took the long way home, which of course went past Sam’s house. That damn blue Corolla was there again. He went home and fell asleep after a couple of scotches. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was loop twenty something when Jack decided he needed a day off. Starting each loop with Daniel’s question and Sam’s overly happy smile was annoying him. He swore he had even heard her humming as they left the mess hall. He started to drive home but an impulse pulled him towards the Air Force Academy. The math department was easy to find. Jack peeked in the open office doors and stopped when he saw the dark hair bent over a desk. As Jack stepped towards the door the man looked up.

“May I help you?” When he looked up Jack knew he’d found the right man. 

“I’m Colonel Jack O’Neill, Major Samantha Carter’s commanding officer.” Jack filled the doorway.

Jason stood and held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Jack stepped forward and gave Jason a firm handshake. “Is Sam ok?”

Jack was pleased to hear genuine concern in Jason’s voice. “She’s fine.”

Jason waved at the chair across from his desk as he took his seat. “I assume you’re here for a reason.”

“National security actually.”

Jason’s eyebrows rose as he tried to suppress his grin. “That sounds very serious.”

“Have you and Major Carter discussed her job?”

Jason shook his head. “Not much. I know she’s an astrophysicist working on deep space radar telemetry out of Cheyenne Mountain.”

“And?”

“I know she works hard, often seven days a week. Sometimes she doesn’t leave work for days and weeks at a time. Heck, once she didn't leave the mountain for over three months.”

“Three months?”

“Yeah, although I do suspect she goes off to other places sometimes, since she ends up with injuries, but she’s never confirmed that. She always says she was injured in a lab accident. She seems to have a lot of lab accidents for someone so coordinated and athletic.”

“Coordinated and athletic?”

Jason gave Jack a smug smile. “Quite.”

Jack’s face hardened. “What exactly is the nature of your relationship with Major Carter?”

Jason took on a serious tone. “Isn’t that really a question for Sam?”

“I’m asking you.”

Jason’s lower jaw moved side to side. “We’re friends.”

“Friends?” Jack glared. “So, you play tennis?”

Jason shook his head. “Never really been my sport.” Jason tried to plaster a polite smile on his face. “I am not a threat to national security, the Air Force made sure of that when they hired me. I’m also not a man who will talk about Sam behind her back.” 

“Good, that’s good to hear.”

“Have you been her CO the whole time she’s worked at Cheyenne?”

“Yes.”

Jason nodded. “Then I’m guessing you’re why she ends up at my doorstep.”

Jack tensed. “What does that mean?”

“I’m well aware that I’m a substitute for someone...” Jason shook his head, “someone she can’t have or who doesn’t want her.” Jack looked over Jason’s shoulder to the window. “I know there are rules, and she would never compromise herself, but it isn’t easy for her.”

“Enough.” Jack pushed himself up from the chair.

“Don’t blame her for seeking comfort where she’s allowed to get it.” Jack turned away and took one step towards the door. “I’m sorry.”

Jack stopped. “Sorry for what?”

“Sorry that neither of you can have what you really want.”

Jack left Jason’s office; sorry he’d invaded Carter’s privacy. He went home and got a few hours of sleep in his own bed before waking up eating froot loops again. This time he was sure he heard Sam humming as they left breakfast. His mind was swirling as she started her presentation. He went to her lab after Frasier released him.

“So, what’s the deal with this Jason guy?”

Sam’s head flew up in shock. “What?”

“What is he to you?”

Sam’s head shook slightly. “He’s...he’s just a friend.”

“The kind of friend who makes you hum.”

Sam closed her eyes. “Don’t.”

“Why not?” He huffed

“You know why not, sir.” She emphasized his title.

“Because we left it in that room?”

“And because it isn’t allowed.”

“Right, but it is with him.”

“Yes!” Sam pushed herself up from her stool. “Permission to speak freely, sir.”

“Granted. This is absolutely off the record.”

Sam straightened her shoulders. “Am I supposed to be celibate? Just stay home and lament that I can’t have what I want? Let my frustrations build and never seek release? Are you telling me that’s what you’ve done all these years? Because it seems to me you’ve gotten to sleep with a couple aliens. Hell, you even played house for a while.”

Jack took a small step back, surprised by her anger. Nothing she’d said was incorrect and he knew it, increasing his feelings of guilt. “Been holding that in a while.”

She looked down and away. “A bit, yeah.”

“Feel better?”

“Maybe, a little.” She looked back up at him. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Back at ya.” He left her office, even though he knew neither of them had said everything they were thinking. Perhaps it was best they continued to hold some things close to their chests. Jack spent the next two hours pacing the mountain and avoiding Daniel’s request for help with the translation before going to his office. He sat down at his computer and began typing. When he was done, he went to the locker room and changed clothes. It was a symbolic move, but he felt better about what he was going to do out of uniform. He walked into the control room and handed his resignation to General Hammond before turning to Sam. She responded just as he’d hoped when he dipped her.

As the next loop started, he couldn’t help but smile knowing that although Sam was sharing her body with another man her heart was still his. She’d kissed him back, so she was interested in him. He decided it was time to get serious with the translation so he could end this loop and maybe, just maybe, find a way to work things out with Sam.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack saw Sam pulling her phone out of her pocket as she got on the elevator. Jack checked his watch. It wasn’t even 1700 yet. Their briefing had only finished minutes earlier and she’d been uncharacteristically quiet, only answering direct questions. He knew she was angry and disappointed in him for ordering her to make the naquada generator overload. Not only had she been ordered to potentially blow up the remnants of an entire race and her best friend, but she lost a piece of technology that she had worked hard to design. He knew several reactors had now been produced but Carter still cared about them as if she had made them all. 

Jason agreed to grab a pizza and meet at her house as soon as he was ready for his lectures the next day. Sam made a small salad and checked to be sure she had some wine chilled. Jason caught her up on the news she’d missed over the last couple of days while they ate. After dinner they curled up on her sofa.

“So, what’s bothering you today.”

“I’m that apparent?” He shrugged. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. “I was ordered to do something pretty ugly, something that I strongly disagreed with.”

“And?”

“And I did it.”

He laid his hand over hers. “Are you ok?”

She shook her head. “By a fluke nobody was killed but it was close.” She let out a slow breath. “I’m angry I was ordered to do something that went against my core beliefs. I’m angry that my actions almost cost me a dear friend. I’m angry that my concerns were ignored.”

“What can you do about it?”

“Not a damn thing.” She looked over at him. “I love being in the Air Force and most of the time my ideas are heard and respected.”

“But not this time.” Sam shook her head. “Left you feeling a bit powerless?”

“More than a bit.”

He lifted her chin and locked eyes with her. “Ready to take back your power?”

She gave him a half grin. “Are you offering to do what I say, the way I say?”

“It would be my pleasure.” 

She leaned forward and captured his lips as she moved to sit on his lap. When she broke off the kiss she leaned back and pulled her shirt over her head. “Take off my bra.” He lifted his hands. “With one hand.”

His lips twitched. “A challenge, huh.” His right hand went behind her back while his left one rested on her thigh. He quickly unhooked her bra. She shook her chest, sliding her bra down her arms until she could toss it off. His eyes flicked down to her breasts.

“Suck on your favorite one.”

He looked momentarily conflicted but then he leaned forward and captured her right breast between his lips. He swirled his tongue around her areola while he applied light suction. She pressed her groin against him and rocked as his erection became noticeable. She unbuttoned his shirt as his tongue kept moving.

“Switch.” He grinned as he popped his lips off her right breast and moved to her left breast. She finished unbuttoning his shirt, running her finger through his chest hair. Once she had his shirt untucked from his pants, she unbuckled his belt, opened the button, and slowly moved the zipper down. He moaned against her chest as her hand slipped into his pants and caressed his erection. When she heard his moan, she rubbed her groin against him again. His free hand squeezed her ass.

“Now, now. I did not give you permission to touch me there.” Jason dropped his hand off her rear. “Better. Release me.”

He let her breast slowly slip from his lips. Thanks to his ministrations it was standing at attention. She stood up and unbuckled her pants. “Remove your pants.” Jason lifted his hips off the sofa and slid his pants below his knees. “And those boxers.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He lifted his hips again and moved his boxers down to meet his pants. Now that she was naked, she repositioned herself on his lap. 

“Make me cum.”

His grin was feral. “My pleasure.” His right hand moved down. Two fingers curled inside her while his thumb pressed on her clit. His mouth and left hand moved to her breasts. Sam held onto the back of the sofa as she rubbed herself against his hand. His thumb rubbed circles as his fingers flexed inside her. 

“Harder.” She moaned. “Faster.” He obliged and within moments she was groaning through her orgasm. His movements slowed after she crested, giving her a chance to catch her breath. Her hand slid down. She wrapped her fingers around his member, slowly sliding her hand up and down. He closed his eyes as she positioned herself over him and pushed herself down. Once he was fully inside, she adjusted her hips, moving in a circle. He let her keep her own pace, even as she drove him crazy. She moved her hands to his shoulders as she slowly lifted up and slid back down. She watched his face, pleased to see him open his eyes. 

“Put your hands on my breasts.” He followed her order, tweaking both breasts as she continued to move on him. Her pace increased as he pulled and twisted her breasts. She kept moving until his head tilted back as he moaned his release. Once she knew he was done she reached down to the junction where they met, pulled on her clit and crashed again. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her against him.

“Feel better?”

“Much.” She lifted her head. “Thank you for understanding.”

He grinned at her. “I’m here to serve.” 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“Hey, Daniel. Have you seen Th…” Jack closed his eyes. “Carter. Have you seen Carter?”

Daniel’s lips tightened into a line. “Ummmmm,,,she took a few days off?”

Jack was surprised. “Really? Carter?”

Daniel looked back down at his notebook. “Yep.”

“What aren’t you telling me?” Jack bent over to try and look in Daniel’s eyes. “Daniel?”

“She went on a three-day bike ride.”

“Good, she needs to let off some steam and have some fun.”

“The Academy is on fall break.”

“Ok, so what?” Realization dawned on Jack as he said it. “Oh, she didn’t go alone.”

“No.”

Jack’s head bobbed. “Good for her.”

“Jack.” Daniel looked up at his best friend.

“I mean it Daniel. I’m glad she’s found some happiness.”

“She doesn’t love him.”

Jack turned and walked to Daniel’s office door. “I know.” He left without seeing the shock on Daniel’s face.

Jack tried hard to not think about what it would be like to take a three-day vacation with Carter, to be free to just be with her, but his mind kept creating images and torturing him. He wants to sit across from her in a little diner, eating pie with whipped cream. He wants to visit crappy little museums, look at vistas in national parks, go to the movies, and curl up on a sofa with her. Instead he is home alone, watching a ball game he doesn’t care about. 

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

“Carter?”

“Sir?”

“Wanna join Daniel, Teal’c and I for dinner? Figured after three weeks in a Goa’uld palace we could all use some real pizza.”

“As much as I appreciate the offer, I have plans, sir.”

Plans. He knew she meant that after spending three weeks trapped with him and way too much sexual tension, she needed to get away from him. He couldn’t blame her. His need for her had gotten so bad he had resorted to slinking off and taking care of his needs a couple times. He suddenly wondered if she had done the same and the thought of her touching herself because of his proximity flooded his mind.

“Sir?” 

“Hmmmm? Oh, right. Yes, you have plans.” He gave her a tight grin. “Go, have fun.”

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Sam hadn’t answered her phone for dyas, so Jason drove by her house, knowing her long absences often meant somebody needed to pick up her newspapers and mail. He was surprised and pleased to see her car parked in front of her house. He went up and knocked but there was no answer. His anxiety increased as he knocked. He tried the doorknob and was surprised to find it unlocked. He slowly opened the door, knowing he was out of his element if he encountered trouble.

“Sam?” He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Sam, are you here? It’s Jason.” He kept moving forward until he reached her living room and saw her laying on her sofa. Her eyes were open, but he couldn’t tell what she was looking at. He moved closer and knelt in front of her.

“Sam?” He reached out and gently touched her forehead. She wasn’t running a fever. Her eyes slowly tracked to his face. “Hey there.”

“Jason?”

“Yeah.” His eyes roamed over her face, down her body, and back to her face. He didn’t see any obvious injuries or bandages. “What happened, Sam?”

Her eyes closed as her lower lip trembled. “I died.”

His fingers stilled on her face. “What?”

She slowly opened her eyes. “I died.” she swallowed. “He had to kill me.”

“I don’t...I don’t understand Sam.”

“They were able to bring me back, but I died.”

“Oh God.” He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, putting her head on his shoulder. He moved up and sat beside her, shifting her until she was laying against his chest. “I am so sorry.” He rocked her, at a loss of what to say or do. He rubbed her back and gently played with her hair. “I can make you some tea.”

“I’m ok.”

“Are you really?”

“No, but I can keep pretending, can’t I?”

“You don’t have to pretend with me. Tonight, it’s ok to not be ok.” She looked up at him as tears spilled over the rims of her eyes and made trails down her cheeks. “Let me take care of you.”

Jack drove by her house; unhappy she’d been released from the infirmary while she still looked so out of it. He was only a little surprised to see the blue Corolla out front. She hadn’t wasted much time contacting him. Jack’s plan to apologize for having to fire twice went out the window once he knew she wasn’t alone. At least someone was taking care of her.

She sipped the tea Jason made her and nibbled on the cookies he found in her pantry. “You really don't have much to work with here.” He looked over at her from in front of her open refrigerator. 

“I wasn’t exactly planning on having company.”

“Right, I guess it’s take out again.” He closed the refrigerator. “Perhaps we should mix it up and get Japanese.” He sat down beside her and grabbed her phone. “I’ll order you some diet soda.”  
He kept his arm around her as they waited for dinner. Once it arrived, he cut the tops off the styrofoam containers and brought hers out with a cup of diet soda. He did most of the talking, including encouraging her to eat. When she’d eaten enough to satisfy him, he cleaned up and brought her a fortune cookie.

“Go ahead, break it open.”

She snapped the cookie in two and pulled out the small piece of paper. Love will find you when the time is right. Sam scoffed as she let the paper fall. Every time she thought about love, something else threw water on the flame, something like a computer taking over your body, making the man you love kill you. He’d made the right decision, but would he ever be able to look at her again. Would he ever forgive himself? What would she do if he didn’t?

Jason could feel her head was spinning. He didn’t want her to sink back into the abyss he’d found her in only a couple hours earlier. He kissed the edge of her jaw. “You’re alive.”

He kissed her neck. “You’re alive.”

He kissed her collarbone. “You’re alive.”

She turned her head. “I’m alive.”

“Yes, you are.” He slowly pressed his lips to hers. It took a moment, but she started kissing him back. It was a soft kiss. She felt a heat begin to spread through her, reminding her that she was indeed still alive. She shifted onto her hip so she could thread her fingers into his hair. It wasn’t the military cut she would have preferred but she still enjoyed the act of playing with his hair.   
She pulled her head back and looked at Jason. “I’m alive.” She smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For being here.” She kissed him again. “For reminding me.” Her hand slid down his neck to his chest. She unbuttoned one button after the next. He peppered her neck with kisses. They took it slow. He caressed her as each layer of clothing was released. He made sure she felt every caress and flick of his tongue. It was the most sensual sex they’d ever had. The next morning, she woke him by curling against him and running her hand down his chest to his abdomen. Their morning sex was a strong contrast to the night before. She screamed her release both times. He had to rush to get to class on time, but he didn’t regret a moment with her. 

Sam took dinner to Jason’s apartment that night, needing another reminder that she was alive. Sam knelt on the sofa as he slid into her from behind. She moaned as he sped up, flesh slapping on flesh as she moaned and begged him to go faster. He obliged.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam went out on her front porch to answer Jason’s call. She didn’t really want her conversation caught on tape. “I’m sorry. Normally if I had this much time off work, I’d suggest a short road trip, but I have a guest staying with me.”

“A guest?”

She wasn’t sure how to explain the man who invaded her home and then went invisible. “A friend from work.”

“Is it him?”

Sam's chest clinched. “No, it isn’t.”

“Oh...sorry.”

“Yeah, well.” She was tempted to offer to go to his apartment but then she thought about her absence for the night being noticed on the tapes. She didn’t want Colonel O’Neill to know she left for the night. “I promise to let you know when my guest is gone.”

When Orlin pulled back Sam was overwhelmed with the love he’d shared with her. Since discovering Jolinar’s memories of Matouf and Lantesh she had known she’d never really been in loving relationship and now she was yet again reminded of its absence in her life. As Sam grappled with what she was feeling she sat on the sofa and talked to Orlin for hours. They discussed their childhoods, how Earth had managed gate travel, what Orlin’s life was life before he ascended, and how Sam spent her time outside of work.

“Why do you give your body to one man while your heart yearns for another?” 

Sam’s eyes widen as she looks away. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

“Pulling punches?”

“I’m just saying you’re direct.”

“I see no reason to not say what I mean.”

“Right.”

“So?”

“You aren’t easily distracted either.” Sam sighed. “There are rules that prevent me from being with him.”

“The man you think you love?”

“Yes.”

“So instead…”

“Jason and I have an arrangement. We talk about our days, well as much as I can, spend time relaxing, and have plenty of sex. Sex can be a nice physical release. The hormones create a sense of peace.”

“Like this.” Orlin enveloped her in light again but the feeling was different this time. Heat flashed through her, driving her to the brink faster than she'd ever gotten there before but then she hung on the precipice. He held her there as the muscles in her body quivered. She moaned and squirmed as the heat intensified. “Oh, god, please…” He let her orgasm as she begged for release. The crash was so intense her vision went black for a moment. As the light around her faded she worked to regain her breathing and mental equilibrium.

“Is that what you seek with him?”

Sam stretched out on the sofa, arching her back and pointing her toes, to work out a few kinks. “That was amazing and yes, that’s what I seek with him.”

“It does leave a sense of peace within you.”

“Yes, it does.” she sighed. “Speaking of, I think I need to get some sleep. Will you be ok on your own?”

“I will.”

Jack drove by Sam’s house looking for the little blue car and when he didn’t see it, he decided it was safe to stop. He was surprised when Sam turned them away, wondering if maybe her lover really was in her house, even though he didn’t see his car. Perhaps she had more than one lover. The thought made him a little angry, even though he internally acknowledged he had no right.

“As I was saying, once my kind chooses to take human form, we can't ascend again without the help of the others.” Sam looks at the now corporeal Orlan. He glances towards the door. “Was that him?”

“Him?”

“The man with whom you share your body?”

Sam sputters as she backs away from Orlan and picks up the pizza boxes. “Stop changing the subject.”

“I did not realize I was changing anything.”

Sam put the pizza in the refrigerator. “No, he isn’t, and we were talking about what you did to become like this.”

“So, he is the one in your heart with whom you are not allowed to be.”

“Again, you’re prying a bit too much.”

“Why do you wish to keep parts of yourself secret? Should you not express your feelings?”

“I’ve told you before that I’m required to keep some things to myself.”

“Is this not just an excuse?”

“What?” Sam turned to him, with a touch of anger in her eyes. “No.” Her hands balled up into fists.

“You fear he does not feel the same.”

“Enough. We need to eat.”


	5. Chapter 5

“My mistake could have killed thousands.” She remembered the way the sun turned red and shuttered.

“But it didn’t.” Jason handed her a glass of wine. “That matters.”

She took a sip. “Maybe not enough.”

He sat his glass on the coffee table. “What does that mean?”

She sighed. “Nothing.”

“Don’t Sam.”

She stood up and moved towards the door. “Perhaps you should go.”

“Sam.” He didn’t want to leave her alone. She was tearing herself up over whatever mistake she’d made, even though by her own admission it had all turned out ok. “You shouldn’t punish yourself for a mistake you fixed.”

“You don’t understand. The program I wrote has the potential to cause so many problems, but they refuse to see that. They’re just going to have us keep pushing on knowing that this, or something even worse, could happen again.”

He went to her and put his hands on her shoulders as he bent his head to look into her eyes. “You’ve warned them?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’ve done what you can do.”

“So, I’ll be able to say I told you so when thousands die one day? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Sam.” 

She pulled out of his arms. “I really just need to be alone tonight.”

“Do you?” She glared at him. “Because it doesn’t seem like you’re really in a stay home alone kind of mood.”

“Do I seem like I’m in a let’s fuck around kind of mood! I mean, is that what it will take for you to leave?” She reached down for the hem of her shirt and started lifting it. “Let’s screw so you’ll go!”

Jason took his hands off of her and backed up as she took off her shirt. “That isn’t what I meant. Don’t turn me into the bad guy here.”

Sam closed her eyes and forced herself to calm down, counting to ten forwards and backwards in her head. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” She put her hand on his arm. “You deserve better from me.”

“You owe me nothing.”

Sam’s face softened. “We both know that isn’t true.” She put her hand on his face. “You’re a good friend.”

“But?”

“But I think I really just need to be alone for a bit.”

“You’re sure you’ll be ok?”

“I promise.” After he left, she took a long bath, wrapped up in a fuzzy robe, and read while listening to music. It was relaxing in a different way than her time with Jason. She still felt guilty for the role she played in the planet’s near destruction because her program had allowed a foreign element into their sun, but she forced herself to stop berating herself. 

Jason doesn’t call and she knows he’s giving her space and putting the ball in her court. She’s felt different about her time with Jason since Orlan’s visit. She can’t shake the feeling that she has allowed herself to settle for this friendship instead of continuing to look for love. 

She’s tempted to call Jason when they lose contact with the Tollan, but instead she takes a couple days off and takes her bike out. She’s lucky to not get a ticket and only feels a little guilty that she flirted a tiny bit with the two officers who pulled her over. When she gets back there’s a message on her machine, so she calls him, and they set up a date for lunch. He actually uses the phrase they need to talk. 

Jason left her a couple messages when she missed lunch. On Monday Daniel calls Jason’s office to ask when he had last seen Sam. Jason admits it has been over two weeks and she had missed a planned get together. That increases Daniel’s concern about Sam’s absence from work and their inability to get a hold of her. When he tells Jack about her missed appointment Jack goes into full search mode. 

She swore she was fine, but Janet made her stay in the infirmary overnight after she’s liberated from her capture by Conrad and his immoral doctors. She calls Jason after she listens to his messages. She apologizes for missing him and explained that she had literally been being held captive. 

“That is the best excuse I’ve ever been given for being stood up.”

“I try not to disappoint.” He could hear her grin. “Still want to get together?”

“I would like to but I’m going out of town this tonight, which is kind of what I wanted to talk about.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know and it’s unfair of me to do this over the phone but…”

“Just spit it out, Jason.”

“I’ve met someone.”

“Oh.”

“She’s pretty great and I want to give this a real try.”

“That’s fabulous.”

“Really?”

“Really, Jason. We always said this was just until one of us got a life. I’m glad you found someone.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

Sam resorted to a stiff drink and a hot bath to help her try and relax. She let herself wallow in a bit of self-pity over losing Jason’s companionship but refused to let it drag her too far down. She still had her team, which wasn’t the same but would have to do until she also found a life. She slid her hand down and slowly eased two fingers inside herself, seeking a little hormone high on her own. The liquor had helped loosen her up enough to be able to reach her orgasm quickly. It didn’t hurt that it had been weeks since she’d last had sex and thoughts of Jack rescuing her gave her an extra nudge as well.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Daniel ascended Sam felt more alone than she had in years. After she stopped spending time with Jason Daniel had become the person with whom she was most likely to go out to eat or who would come over to watch a movie. Teal’c was also willing to spend time together outside the mountain, and he could be fun, but it wasn’t the same since he wasn’t much of a talker. Although she would love to spend more time with Colonel O’Neill it just wasn’t an option. He’d pushed her and her feelings away after Daniel’s death, plus her feelings for him meant she had to keep herself restrained whenever she was in his presence. 

Jack’s refusal to acknowledge her loss and her increasing sexual tension made things even more uncomfortable between them. She tries to channel her feelings into work and helping Jonas get acquainted with Earth, but she still finds her patience running thinner. When she’d known she could call Jason she’d been better able to better ignore her feelings for Jack, but without an outlet it was building and making her grumpy. Her time with him in the sinking mothership didn’t help a bit. The way it felt to have him holding her as the water rose and the thought that they might die without facing their feelings stabbed at her. Of course, tackling how she felt still wasn’t an option after their rescue. Her dad spent a few days with her afterwards, which she loved and hated. She loved having time with him but hated having to hide her own feelings while he was around. If he hadn’t been with her, she would have gone for runs, had a few drinks, and taken a couple baths. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam was surprised to find that even though she was worried about Jack being alone with the Tok’ra that not seeing him every day left her feeling less tense at work than she had been in months. On the rare nights when she went home before bedtime however, she felt overwhelmed with a crushing feeling of loneliness. She knew that feeling had been there for years but being with Jason had let her keep her feelings well buried. Now that she was truly alone those feelings crept to the surface when she went home. For the last few months her best defense to avoid getting depressed had been staying at work. Of course, being at work had meant running into her unallowed obsession, which also caused darkness to nip at her. Now that Jack was spending time with the Tok’ra being healed Sam found work was a true refuge. She shared every angst free meal with Daniel, Teal’c, Jonas, or Janet and made progress on six projects that had been on the back burner for too long. General Hammond even let her lead a couple missions. 

She was considering approaching General Hammond about applying to lead SG-17 when they discovered Jack was missing. All of Sam’s energy went into finding Jack. As she looked at him lying in the infirmary bed a sense of peace that she hadn’t felt in months washed over her. She realized the pain of not being allowed to be with him romantically was worth it as long as he was in her life. She needed to stay on his team instead of hoping a transfer would open the future that she kept imagining. It wasn’t worth the risk, not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You knew it couldn't last.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack always kept an eye on his teammates, that was part of the job of being in command. He’d noticed Sam wasn’t leaving early as much anymore, he’d actually kicked her out of the mountain a few times. He was curious if this meant her Air Force Academy buddy was history, but he couldn’t actually ask Sam and Daniel wasn’t around to spill the beans. If she wasn’t spending time with that guy any more there must be a reason, and maybe that reason was him. That thought made him a little happy, even though he knew the chances he was right were slim. Jack decided there was one way to figure out if she was available.

“I could stay.” Jack looks at Sam as they head towards the elevator.

“We've all been cleared, sir. The base is clean. Jonas is probably suffering from stress. This is all still pretty new to him.”

“You could come with.” Her heart thumped a bit harder.

“Sir?” Did she hear him correctly?

“Fishing, Carter. I'm going fishing.”

“You know I'm planning on studying the artifact.”

“Yes. There's always something isn't there.” He knew the something was that damn math teacher.

“Oh, come on, sir. We both know the only reason you asked is because you knew I had something else to do.”

Jack looked at her from inside the elevator. “No, really. I think you should come…fish. Fish some more.”

He was preoccupied with thoughts of Sam and that guy as he drove. The invisible bugs weren’t as good of a distraction as fishing, but it did take his mind off Sam and her lover.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jack ignored Maybourne’s gripping. In Jack’s opinion Maybourne had no right to complain since it was his fault they were trapped here. If this place wasn’t so creepy and Jack knew how to get home, he might have viewed this as a vacation, but Maybourne was ruining his ability to imagine this place as a refuge. 

Jack knew Carter and Teal’c would be burning the candle at both ends trying to get him back. Jonas would probably be right there with them. He’d learned the hard way they’d never give up on him. He had no worry that he’d get home, he just wasn’t sure how long it would take and whether he could stomach Maybourne that long. Would working day and night interfere with Carter’s boy toy? Jack winced when he mentally labeled the man with such a demeaning term, not so much for what it said about the man but because it was rude to Sam. She didn’t deserve his ire. They weren’t in a relationship and she was free to be with anyone and he did want her to be happy. He just wished he was part of that happiness.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam looked over at Teal’c across the cell from her and briefly caught his eye. They hadn’t talked about her struggles with O’Neill’s absence since he found her in the locker room a couple weeks earlier. Sam felt her insides twist and when Teal’c gave her a slight head nod she gave into her base need and leaned onto Jack’s shoulder. As much as she didn’t want to believe it, she could feel herself dying. If she dies in this cell what legacy would she leave? A few machines and a program that runs the gate. Is that enough? Sam closed her eyes as she tried to tamp down on her fear that she was going to die without fulfilling so many of her goals and then the sounds from behind her made her turn around.

Watching Evanov disintegrate made her nauseous. She turned back around and put her head back on Jack’s shoulder. Should she tell him how she felt? Was it fair to do that to him and then die? If she told him, would he be haunted by knowing they had wasted time when they could have been together? If she told him and he didn’t feel the same would it be a burden on him? Would he feel the need to lie to her? Would it be better to die not knowing how he felt, especially if he didn’t feel the same way? Her throat clenched. There was no easy answer. 

Her bravery waned. She put her life at risk every time she went through the gate and that had never been enough to get her talk to him and this shouldn’t be any different. He wouldn’t respect any show of weakness, even on her deathbed, and confessing her love because she knew she was dying would certainly show weakness. 

Jack fought his urge to put his arm around her when she laid her head on his shoulder. Putting his arm around her would be tantamount to acknowledging his fear that she was going to die. She was strong. She was going to survive this, and he couldn’t do anything to make her think he was giving up on her. He had to stay strong for her.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jack ditched the SGC. He knew they were trying to help him, but he honestly just needed a little time to himself. Being stuck in a teenage body was bad enough but now that he knows he’s dying he just had to escape for a bit. Those damn grey concrete walls were closing in on him.

Now that he was out of the SGC his choices of where to go were limited. Obviously, he couldn’t just go home, that’s the first place they’d look for him and he knew they’d be looking for him. It was mid-afternoon so he needed to find someplace he could blend in and where his team wasn’t likely to look for him. Then it occurred to him that he could use this moment to his advantage.

It took two buses, but he got to the Air Force Academy less than an hour after the idea occurred to him. He could blend in wearing his BDUs, even if he did look younger than a college freshman. He headed straight for the math department, knowing which office was of interest to him thanks to the time loops. When he glanced inside there was a woman sitting at the desk. She looked rather comfortable, briefly making Jack wonder if the math teacher was cheating on Carter. He knocked on the door and the woman looked up.

“May I help you?” She gave him a pleasant smile.

“My sister told me this was the office for her favorite math teacher but ummmmmm...he was a he.”

“She must have had Professor Miles. He teaches at Yale now.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “Oh, well, thank you ma’am.”

“You’re welcome cadet.”

Jack quickly backed out of the doorway, making his way to the cafeteria where he grabbed a soda and sandwich. His mind was spinning. Sam wasn’t with the math teacher anymore. Is that why she had leaned onto his shoulder after Nirriti’s machine? Was she just lonely? Could that explain why she flirted back with Corso, a murderer? He shook his head, her taste in men really sucked. He laughed inside his head. Of course, that doesn’t say much about him, does it. He grimaced as he threw away his trash and headed back outside. Sam was available and he was dying, that’s timing for ya.

He needed liquor and this wasn’t the place to find it. He headed off campus and into downtown, and not the good part of downtown.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

She had told Pallan as much as she could about Evalla but it still didn’t seem like enough. He had been so disappointed in himself for not remembering her, the love of his life. As soon as Sam got back to the SGC from helping Pallan and the other villagers settle in the Land of Light. she went to her lab and pulled a small device from her safe. Sam put the device on her forearm, letting herself feel the feelings Narim had for her. His feelings had been mainly based on her physical similarity to his stories of angels and appreciation of her drive to learn, but they had been genuine feelings. She wondered if his feelings would have remained, or even grown, if they had gotten to know one another better. She took the device off and put it back in the safe. Pallan had to have felt more for Evalla and yet all those memories were gone. It didn’t seem fair to Sam that Pallan no longer knew what it felt like to love someone like he had loved his wife.

As Sam got home, she wondered if she had ever loved anyone as much as Pallan had loved his wife. She’d fallen head over heels for Don at the Academy but that wasn’t really an adult relationship. They’d never lived together, and could it really be love if you’d never shared a bathroom? She broke up with him a month before graduation because she didn’t think she could concentrate on her career and maintain a long-distance relationship. He had a new girlfriend before graduation. 

She’d been engaged but she knew now that hadn’t really been love. She’d been infatuated with an older man who wooed her, and she hadn’t looked deeper soon enough. She’d said yes to Jonas because it just seemed like the next step she was supposed to take. Jason was an attractive intelligent man, but she’d never been interested in a relationship with him. On paper he was perfect for her, but she hadn’t been ready to make a commitment to him. Narim cared for her but she never felt a real attraction to him, she was just interested that he was interested. Orlin had shown her that he loved her, for much more than her appearance. He had shared his essence with her, and she knew he was a good man, a man she might have loved if they had been given time. Martouf and Lantesh had loved her but she had never been sure her feelings for them were really her own. Their love was still not based on really knowing one another.

She was attracted to Jack, even though it was against the regulations. She certainly knew him better than any man she’d ever dated and sharing a tent is a bit like sharing a bathroom. She knew him as her commanding officer, the second in command of the SGC, and her teammate but she didn’t really know him as Jack and he certainly didn’t know her as Sam. She avoided spending down time with him because it hurt knowing he was out of her reach. When they were together, she put a lot of effort into not being Sam, always being Major Carter. If they didn’t know each other as Sam and Jack could she really be in love with him? Would it all fall apart if she tried to let him know the real Sam?

It was depressing to think she’d never been in love. She needed to clear her head. She headed to her bedroom and changed into her leathers. She took her Indian out, taking the curves way too fast.


	7. Chapter 7

All mistakes are mine.

The race with Warrick had temporarily satisfied her need for an adrenaline rush but now that she was home, she wanted more. Sam briefly considered going to a bar and finding a one-night stand but her rational side quickly talked her out of it. Sadly, she couldn’t risk a one-night stand with someone who might be military and impact her career. Even if her one-night stand wasn’t in the military she couldn't afford being seen leaving a bar with someone. She was tired of celibacy though. She sighed in disappointment as she settled down to bed and reached for her bedside drawer, pulling out one of her favorite toys.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When Sam was released from the infirmary with her arm in a sling after fighting the super soldier in the alkesh she insisted on driving herself home, even though Daniel and Teal’c both volunteered. She agreed to a team night later, but she didn’t let them set a date, knowing she needed an out. She checked her answering machine when she got home and wasn’t surprised to see the zero. Her brother led a busy life with a demanding job and a family clamoring for his attention. It wasn’t a surprise that he hadn’t called. The only other people in her life, her team, had known where she was so they certainly had no reason to leave her a message. There had been a time when she came home to messages. She had a few close friends when she was in the Academy and during her time in the Gulf, but she’d lost touch with them because of too many messages not returned and invitations not acknowledged. She had no one but herself to blame for her loneliness. The real question, which she had been asking herself for the last few days, is whether or not she was willing to do anything about it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Joining Colonel Bronson on the Prometheus had seemed like an opportunity to spread her wings beyond the SGC, testing the waters in case she decided it was time for a change, as well as a bit of fun. Laying in the infirmary with the worst headache of her life really decreased the fun coefficient. Her commanding officer’s reaction to her using his first name hadn’t helped the pounding in her head. As she laid in the infirmary, alone again, she felt that familiar darkness creep in around her. 

Her head injury meant she needed a ride home and Colonel O’Neill was quick to volunteer. 

“You good?” Jack looked over at her in the passenger seat. She was wearing a dark pair of sunglasses but the tiny lines beside her eyes told him she was squinting.

“I’ll be fine.”

Jack started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. “Teal’c and I will bring your car to your house tomorrow when we pick you up for our team night.”

“I appreciate that, but you don’t have to go to any trouble.”

“It’s no trouble and you were promised cake. Can’t break a promise.”

“No, sir.” She gave him a tight grin. “Will there also be ice cream?”

“You betcha.” He glanced over when her snicker died away. She was biting her lower lip. “So, what else is on your mind?”

“Sir?”

“I’ve known you a long time Carter. I can tell when the wheels are turning, and I doubt you’re thinking about ice cream flavors.” He gave her a moment. 

“I’ve been burning the candle at both ends working on the Prometheus and at the SGC.”

“Agreed. It will be good for you to take a little time off.”

“Right, yes.” She rubbed her hands on her pants. “There’s still a lot to do on the Prometheus and I’ve been working on upgrades for the next ship.”

“But you need to take a few days off. You’ve not only more than earned it but your noggin also needs it.”

“I was thinking about other options.” 

He glanced over at her, feeling the nervousness rolling off of her. “Such as?”

“I could spend more time focused on ship design.”

“How do you propose to do that? Clone yourself?” 

Sam let out a slow breath. “I could transfer.”

Jack kept the wheel steady even though his heart thumped, and his chest tightened. “Leave the SGC?” She wanted to leave him.

“It’s an option.”

“Not a good one.”

“No?” 

“You’re going to make Lieutenant Colonel soon and then you’ll get your own team.” He turned down her street. “Let’s be honest, it won’t be long before I won’t be in the field anymore. SG-1 will be yours.”

“You think that’s the best path for me?”

He stopped in front of her house. “You’ll be a General before your fifty, but you need that leadership experience and being on a front-line team will look much better than leading a science team.”

She nodded her head and then winced as pain radiated behind her eyes. “That makes sense.”

He reached out and placed two fingers on her forearm. “You have lots of options. I would hate to lose you from the team, but I also won’t stand in your way.”

She removed her sunglasses and looked into his eyes. “So, you’d like me to stay on SG-1?”

“Of course I would.”

She put her sunglasses back on. “That’s good to know.” Sam opened the truck door. “Thanks for the ride.”

“I can come in and help you get settled.”

“That’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

He didn’t leave until he saw her make it into her house. She put down her pocketbook and wandered through her house. Everything just felt wrong and she had a driving need to escape. She packed a small bag, and even though she knew better, she jumped on her bike and headed out. At first, she had no goal, she was just riding, but then she started heading west and she just kept going. She was exhausted but she pushed through and rode all night. She called General Hammond’s office once she was at her brothers, letting Sergeant Harriman know where she was, in case she was needed. Then she left a message on Daniel’s home answering machine, knowing he wouldn’t be home. She didn’t really want to answer any questions, but she also wanted her team to know she was fine.

She spent the first couple days at her brother’s house nursing her concussion in the guest room that thankfully had black out curtains. Her sister-in-law spent a lot of time shushing her niece and nephew, knowing the noise hurt Sam’s head. As she sat in the dark, she replayed her hallucinations and last conversation with Colonel O’Neill. He didn’t want her to leave the team. Was that because he valued her as a team member? Was it really because he believed this would help her be promoted? Could it also be because he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship? If he was still interested in her wouldn’t he have encouraged her to get out of his chain of command? 

When she finally came out the guest room her sister-in-law doted on her for a couple days. It was nice to be taken care of and spend time with her family, once she could keep her eyes open without her head exploding. She took her niece and nephew to the movies and out for ice cream, giving her brother and his wife a couple date nights, a rare treat. When her brother worked late Sam sat up with her sister-in-law drinking tea and talking about life in general. It was nice to have a little girl time.

“I think your sister is realizing that she’s missing out on a few things she wants.” Mark’s wife climbed into bed beside him.

“What makes you say that?”

“The way she was looking at the kids tonight.” She turned off the lamp on her bedside table. “She’s also made a few comments, when it was just the two of us this afternoon.”

“Really?”

“Didn’t you say you had a friend from college that lives out near her?”

“Yeah, I do.” Mark turned off his light. “She’d hate being set up though.”

“Can’t hurt to ask her.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Pete’s antics in the coffee shop left Sam grinning as she got in her car. Her brother was right about Pete’s quirky sense of humor. He wasn’t bad looking either, not her usual type, but wasn’t that kind of the point. When Mark had mentioned him, Sam had thought if nothing else Pete might be a good one-night stand, with no military entanglements, but she wouldn’t really want that to get back to her brother. She’d spent the last few months wishing she was in a relationship and maybe Pete could give her the chance to make that a reality. An image of Jack beside her bed in the infirmary popped into her head. When she’d said his name, he basically chastised her, a clear sign that he no longer had feelings for her. Maybe that was why her concussion hallucinations had told herself to give up on him, she must have sensed he’d given up on her. 

Pete was less dynamic in bed than Jason, but she was in this for more than a physical release so she told herself there would be tradeoffs. Following her and getting himself shot hadn’t impressed her but she again told herself she would have to let some things go if she was going to make a relationship out of this. She let Pete stay with her until he was well enough to go back to work. It gave them time to get to know one another better, and the more frequent sex had left her more relaxed than she had been in a long time. An orgasmic high always seemed to last longer when she didn’t give it to herself.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam laid in bed fretting over her dad’s departure and yet another moment when she allowed herself to seek comfort from her commanding officer. She’d been facing death alone, and she’d disappointed herself by giving up when the super soldier rose from the rubble. Colonel O’Neill had probably been disappointed in her too, maybe that was why he’d held her, unsure of how to address her weakness. The darkness of loneliness draped over her and it felt overwhelming, until she remembered that this time she wouldn’t be going home alone. Pete was calling several times a day and had promised to pick her up and spend a few days with her when she was released from the infirmary. Although her father was gone, for an indeterminate period of time, she wasn’t alone, not this time. 

When Jack called to check on her a man answered, he assumed it was the damn snooping cop. At least she wasn’t home alone. He didn’t keep her on the phone long, assuming she had better things to do than talk to him. When he hung up, he went to the gym, beating the punching bag until he was covered in sweat. After a quick shower he went home to a couple glasses of scotch and an evening on his porch, wondering what the hims in other realities were doing at that moment. Who were they spending their evening with?


	8. Chapter 8

All mistakes are mine.

Janet’s funeral was hard on everyone, but especially Cassie. Sam pushed her own grief away when she left the mountain as she focused on Cassie’s needs. Pete lingered in the background as Sam tried to plan out her week based on Cassie’s routine, getting ready for school, volleyball practices, homework, and her rather busy social life. It was a lot to take on suddenly and factoring Pete into the mix wasn’t helping. He was awkward around Cassie and the rest of her team. His jokes were lame and often just downright out of place. She knew he was trying but she really wished he would stop being so supportive and go home. 

Cassie was in her room talking to a friend on the phone. When Pete came back into the house from taking out the trash he leaned on the bar and watched Sam loading the dishwasher.

“I could stay tonight…” He waggled his eyebrows as she glanced over her shoulder, “if it would be helpful.”

“Thanks, but I wouldn’t feel right about that.”

Pete tilted his head. “If Cassie’s going to live with you, she’s going to need to get used to us.”

Sam shook her head. “I’m sleeping on the twin bed in the guest room.”

“There's a master bedroom.”

Sam’s face hardened. “I’m not sleeping in Janet’s bed and even if I was willing to sleep in her bed, I wouldn’t be sleeping in her bed with you.”

Pete raised his hands. “Fine. When are you planning to move her to your house?”

Sam closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “Cassie goes to college in the fall. I’m going to let her finish her senior year and then we can work on packing the house and get it ready to sell this summer. We’ll turn my guest room into her bedroom, so she’ll have a place that’s hers when she comes home on break.”

“This summer?”

“Yes.” Sam knew it was a big sacrifice, but she refused to ask Cassie to move from her home right now.

“That’s months.” He was pouting.

“Which is a short time, but it will mean a lot to her and she is what matters now.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jack had said goodbye. His goodbye felt too real, too permanent. Sam kept seeing his frozen face, both in her dreams and when her mind wandered at work. Last night she had dreamed that it took ten years for the Asgard to arrive and release Jack from his frozen tomb. As she left Janet’s guest room to go to the kitchen, she heard crying in Cassie’s room. The loss of Jack, even though she had been clear that it was temporary, was another blow to Cassie. Sam slowly opened Cassie’s door and crept into her room. Sam sat on the edge of Cassie’s bed and ran her hand through Cassie’s hair.

“How about I take you to that fancy coffee place before school?”

Cassie sniffed. “Really?”

“Really.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Pete came to Cassie’s graduation and it was just as awkward as the last time he had been around her team. He tried too hard and his jokes all fell flat but he laughed anyway. Cassie rolled her eyes several times and did her best to avoid him by hanging on Daniel’s arm. Sam hosted a barbeque at her house and Cassie invited several of her closest friends and their families. The crowd made it easier to keep Pete away from her friends and Sam was pleased to discover one of the dad’s was a local police officer. She introduced him to Pete and left them to talk. That night Cassie went to a friend's house. 

Pete was anxious to get Sam naked and in his haste he lost his load well before Sam had reached her peak. He did his best to still get her there but she grew tired of his efforts and faked it so he would let her be. It wasn’t the first time she’d faked it and she doubted it would be her last. Later, once Sam knew Pete was deeply asleep, she slid her hand down in her pajama pants. She focused on memories of Jason’s hands and lips as her fingers circled her bud. He had been a skilled lover and she missed his ability to bring her to an orgasm. As she got close a memory of Jack laughing, a genuine hearty laugh, popped into her mind. It wasn’t like she’d never thought about him while masturbating but this time it caught her by surprise. The memory of his voice, a deep whisper as he told her a joke he didn’t want Daniel to hear, made her gasp. Her fingers twitched as she lost her concentration for a moment. Her hand stilled for a moment when Pete stretched beside her. She let her finger slowly begin circling again as she waited to be sure Pete was still asleep. Images of Jack flooded her mind, and her fingers began to move faster, with greater purpose and intensity. She held back her moan as waves of pleasure gripped her. It was one of the best orgasms she'd had since Jason had moved, thanks to her memories of Jack and the extraordinarily long time it had been since her last orgasm. Now that her physical needs had been met, she pulled the comforter up to her chin and let herself fall asleep, dreaming of happy calm missions with Jack.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Pete, Daniel, and Teal’c all pitch in to help move Cassie’s furniture to Sam’s guest room, put the rest of Janet’s furniture in storage, and pack Jack’s truck for Cassie’s move to college. Pete keeps trying to take the lead, but he clearly doesn’t have a vision for what needs to be done and eventually Sam has to ask him to let her do it her way. With both hands raised he lets her have control but pouts the rest of the day. Cassie spends the night with a friend and Sam is pretty sure she did it to avoid spending the evening with Pete. 

Sam looks out the front window, checking one last time to be sure the tarp covering the back of Jack’s truck was tightly tied. She’d borrow his truck so they could move Cassie’s shelves along with far too many boxes and a couple suitcases. Sam figured Jack wouldn’t mind her putting so many miles on his truck since he probably would have volunteered to move Cassie if he’d been here, but Sam still wishes she could ask his permission. She understands Cassie’s desire to get far away considering everything around her reminds her of Janet and Jack. Sam is hit daily by the reminders that surround them both, pictures, cards, even a memo written by Jack that she found on her desk yesterday. Cassie herself is a reminder for Sam and Sam figures Cassie feels the same way about her. Although Sam hasn’t lived with Cassie long, she’s grown used to having her around. Sam has found herself looking forward to coming home to someone and having a reason to leave work every night. She crossed her arms as she realized she was going to miss Cassie terribly.

“Come sit, relax, watch the movie.”

Sam glances over at Pete. “I will in a minute.”

He sighs. “You know you have everything ready.”

“It never hurts to double check.”

Pete pats the sofa seat again. “Come on, you’re going to be gone for days. Let’s enjoy a little time together before you go.”

Sam put her list in her pocketbook, turned off a couple lights, and sat down beside Pete. “It’s only a few days.”

“But as soon as you get back, you’ll ship out for who knows how long. I feel like I barely see you.” He put his arm along the back of the sofa as she sat beside him.

“My work is important.”

“I know.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Doesn’t stop me from missing you.” His hand slowly ran up her leg, sending tingles up her spine. She turned towards him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning in for a kiss. His hand slid over her hip and under the hem of her shirt. She tilted her head to encourage him to kiss her neck, but he missed the cue because he was focused on unhooking her bra. He enjoyed her breasts, and she didn’t mind him paying attention to them. Sam laid back, pulling Pete with her.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam spent three days at orientation with Cassie and by the time Sam left Cassie had eight new friends and plans with her roommate for that night. It felt good to see Cassie happy. Sam left late in the afternoon, deciding she would drive until she was tired and then get a hotel room. When she stopped for dinner she decided to walk around the quaint town for a while, just to stretch her legs a bit before driving for a couple more hours. Downtown was lined with small mom and pop stores selling things like antiques, hardware, crafts, and musical instruments. Everyone who passed her said good evening or nodded their head. She liked the small town feel and could see how this life could appeal to some. 

An image of Jack wearing a plaid button-down shirt popped into her head as she looked at the window of an antiques store. Maybe it was the fishing rod she saw leaning against the wall that made her think of him. She sighed as she thought about how unfair it was that he had missed helping Cassie move to college. She headed back to his truck as her thoughts wandered back to his face as he was encased in the stasis chamber. The red tape keeping her from the outpost was ridiculous and she needed to find a way to get back to him. She wrapped her fingers around the steering wheel, his steering wheel. She was failing him.

When she glances at the clock it is almost midnight. A yawn is enough to convince her to find a hotel. Sam turns on the air conditioner as soon as she gets into the stuffy room. She prefers to sleep in a cold room but has gotten used to sleeping in less than ideal conditions over the years. She’s under the covers moments after locking the door.

Sam’s finger lightly traced the barrier over his face. There was a glow as the barrier faded and Jack slumped forward into Sam’s arms. She held him as his chocolate brown eyes blinked several times. As he started to get his balance back his eyes locked with hers.

“General?” A voice floated in from her left, but she didn’t take her eyes off of him. 

Sam waved her hand. “Give us a minute.”

Sam’s eyes followed his as they moved to her shoulder. There were stars on her jacket. His eyes moved back to hers. “How long?”

She moved her hand to the side of his face. “It’s been fifteen years Jack.”

Sam jerks awake. Her hands are fisted in the sheets and she is covered in sweat, the air conditioning struggling to cool the room. She squeezes her eyes shut, blocking out the shafts of light from around the window and under the bottom of the door as well as her dream. She couldn’t let him wait fifteen years. She needs to push Weir harder.


	9. Chapter 9

All mistakes are mine.

Her time with Fifth had left her shaken but for the moment her joy at seeing him let her push that horror to the back of her mind. His eyes scanned her for injuries, and she could see when he was satisfied that she was whole. She knew she was doing the same to him, even though he was clearly fine. Looking up at him as he knelt beside her reminded her of her dream from only a few weeks ago. She had him back and it hadn’t taken fifteen years. 

When she got home her answering machine had a three blinking on it. She looked at it for a moment before walking away. She wasn’t ready to talk to Pete or anyone else really. She had passed her preliminary psych exam because she knew what she needed to say but she knew she wasn’t herself yet. Hopefully a hot shower and a cup of tea would help her get closer to normal.

She was flipping through the channels when her phone rang. She hesitated. It could be Pete, but it could also be one of her team, perhaps even Jack, checking on her. If it was one of them and she didn’t answer they would worry, possibly enough to even show up at her door in the middle of the night. She’d worried them enough when they thought she was dead. She picked up the phone.

“Carter.”

“I’ve been worried. Are you ok?” Pete’s voice made her stomach knot.

“I’m fine. Sorry you were worried.”

“Why did you answer like you’re at work?”

“Habit I guess.” She looked down into her tea. “How are you?”

“Happy now that you’re home. Do you have any time off?”

Sam swallowed as a shiver ran down her spine. “Not really.” She lied. She’d been told to take as much time as she wanted and she was off the active mission list until cleared by a psychiatrist, standard procedure when you’ve been held captive. “This mission brought some new issues to the forefront and I need to get my mission report done quickly.”

“Ok, but I have the weekend off, so I’m headed your way tomorrow afternoon.”

Sam couldn’t think of any way to stop him and even if she had she knew it wouldn’t have been fair to him. “Ok. I’m...I’m looking forward to seeing you.” Sam closed her eyes as she lied to him again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Pete arrived with a pizza and a bottle of wine. Sam put the wine in the refrigerator while Pete got out plates for the pizza. She poured them each a glass of wine from a bottle that was cold, and they moved out to the sofa to watch the news while they ate.

He kept glancing over at her, but Sam kept her eyes on the television. He turned towards her during a commercial break. “What happened on this last mission?”

“You know I can’t…”

“I’m not asking for specifics. I know you can’t tell me much, but I can also tell that something’s wrong.”

Sam sat her plate and glass on the table in front of her. She crossed her legs and turned towards him. “I was kidnapped.”

He reached out and put his hand on her knee. “What? What happened to you? Are you ok?”

“I wasn’t physically harmed.” She bit her lower lip. 

“But?” He squeezed her knee.

“He used some mental techniques to try and convince me to stay with him.”

“Such as?”

“He was able to make me hallucinate whatever he wanted.” Pete tried to scooter closer to her, but she kept her knees between her and him. “He used elements from my real life.”

“Such as?” Sam looked up at him and winced. “Me? He used me?”

Sam nodded.

“What did I do in these hallucinations?”

Sam put her hand over the one he had on her knee. “I knew it wasn’t you.”

“But somebody used me against you.” Sam nodded slowly. “What did I do to you?”

“You didn’t hurt me. You were just not you.” Pete’s brow creased in confusion. “He created a fake world that he hoped I’d want to live in. We had a farm.”

“A farm? I mean I’d love a dog but not a farm. That’s way more poop than I have any interest in.”

Sam snickered. “I don’t know why he went with a farm. That was the first give away. You are a city boy through and through.”

“A city boy?”

Sam gave him a tentative smile. “When was the last time you slept in a tent?”

“Why in the world would I want to sleep in a tent when there are perfectly good soft mattresses?”

“See, city boy.”

Pete rolled his eyes. “Nothing wrong with being a city boy.”

“No, there’s not.” 

Pete opened his arms. Sam hesitated but after a moment she uncrossed her legs, turned, and rested her head on his shoulder. His arms loosely wrapped around her. Pete decided not to push too hard. He knew she wasn’t telling him everything but based on what she did say he knew he needed to give her space and go slowly. They watched a movie and snacked on popcorn. It took time for her to relax in his arms, but she did. 

As Pete took their glasses and plates to the kitchen Sam thought this weekend might actually be healing. Even though she had dreaded seeing him perhaps having him so close would help her put her time with Fifth behind her. Pete climbed into bed beside her and laid his arm out towards her. She scooted closer and kissed him but neither of them took it any further. Sam was glad to not be alone but also thankful that Pete didn’t push for more than a cuddle.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam kept in touch with Pete while locked down in the SGC. She also used some of that time to get cleared by a psychiatrist, so she was ready to go back through the gate when the lockdown ended. General O’Neill gave everyone extra time off since they had spent so much time locked in the mountain. Sam decided to actually use her time off. As soon as she told Pete she had four days off he tossed out an idea, a trip together. They flew to Florida and spent three days at amusement parks. Pete kept her stitches and took lots of photos of them with costumed characters. They rode every ride, some more than once. It was relaxing and fun. On the plane ride back, she was surprised to realize that she hadn’t thought about the SGC or her team for three whole days. That hadn’t happened in years, except for when she was unconscious.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam flopped down on the sofa and sighed. Pete looked up from his magazine. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Pete sat the magazine down. “Sam.” His eyes widened as he gave her an oh please look.

“I don’t think General O’Neill trusts me to lead SG-1.”

“That’s ridiculous. He trained you himself.”

“Exactly.” Sam opened her hands wide. “Who better to know whether or not I’m ready.”

Pete twisted and sat on his hip, so he was facing Sam. “Why do you think he doesn’t trust you?”

“He sent another team with us when we went out.”

“Is that unusual?”

“A bit.”

“But you were still technically in charge?”

Sam winced. “Yes, but the other team’s leader has been in charge of a team longer than I have.”

“Ahhhh.”

“It didn’t help that General O’Neill had to break protocol to bring us home.”

“Break protocol?”

“I can’t talk about it.” Sam had the courtesy of looking chagrined as she said it.

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“I did.” Sam sighed again. “He denied not trusting me, but I still have a bad feeling.” She shook her head.

“So, is this more about you questioning yourself than him questioning you?”

Sam picked at a thread on the hem of her shirt. “Maybe.”

Pete wrapped his hand around her wrist and gently pulled her closer. She acquiesced and slid closer to him. “Every new job comes with a learning curve, even if you’ve spent the last eight years watching someone else do that job.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. “It’s ok to question yourself as long as those questions make you better. You will find your own style.” He smiled at her. “You’re amazing Sam.”

She felt moisture in her eyes. “Thanks.”

He leaned forward, giving her a small quick kiss. “The only person who doubts you is you and you should know better.” He kissed her again. “You were made for this.” He kissed her again. “You deserve this.” He kissed her again.

This time she wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. He gave her the power to move them forward, knowing she was still getting over her recent capture and feeling she needed to be in control. It was hard for him to let go, since he preferred to be the one directing the action, but she needed this. 

As they laid in bed later that night, he replayed their earlier session on the sofa. He knew he’d never again be able to sit on her sofa and watch television without thinking of her riding him until she screamed her release. She’d never made much noise when they’d had sex before and he found it a bit disturbing. Luckily when they came to bed, he asserted himself and their love making was more like he preferred.


	10. Chapter 10

All mistakes are mine.

“Alec.” Sam gave him a warning tone.

“What?” He shrugged. “We were good together Sam.”

“We were very…” Sam’s eyes twinkled, “compatible.”

“Compatible? What we did in that research lab was much more than what I would describe as compatible.”

Sam lightly slapped his arm. “That was a long time ago.”

“True, not sure I can bend like that anymore.”

Sam burst out laughing. “You were quite limber.”

“As were you.” Alec Colson wiggled his eyebrows. 

“I’m in a relationship.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Agreed.” Sam’s eyes suddenly widened. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded.”

“If you say so.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam twisted the twigs and tried to hold them in place as she wrapped a ribbon through them. One twig broke free and as she tried to get it back in position two more broke loose. She dropped them all.

Pete snickered until she glared at him. “What are you trying to make?”

“Headpieces for Ry’ac’s wedding.” She started twisting the twigs again. “This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I offered to help.” She got the twigs in position but as she picked up the ribbon, she lost her tenuous grip again. 

“Here, let me help.”

“Thank you.” Sam got the twigs back in position as Pete wrapped the ribbon where she directed. “Still hard to believe Ry’ac is getting married. He’s so young.”

“You disapprove?”

Sam shrugged. “Not really. I mean I see why Teal’c is concerned but his approach is going to make Ry’ac even more determined to get married.”

“So the kid is as stubborn as his father?”

“Oh, absolutely, which is saying a lot.”

“Weren’t you engaged when you were about the same age as these two?”

“I was a bit older than they are.”

“A bit?”

“Ok, not much older but still that gives me a good perspective to be able to say they’re too young. I’m so different than I was when I was twenty-five. I wouldn’t have been ready to be married back then.” Sam shook her head as she laid the first headpiece down and picked up the next bundle of twigs. “They’ve also only known each other for a few months.”

“Now that you’re older you’d be more ready?”

“I guess, I mean I know myself better and I’m better situated in my career. I’d be able to focus more time on a marriage now than I could have back then.” Sam got the twigs in position and looked over at Pete silently asking for his help again. 

“I guess I’m pretty glad you didn’t get married.” He grinned at her. “It would have been disappointing if you hadn’t been available.”

“My brother never would have introduced us if I’d been married, so you wouldn’t have been disappointed because you never would have known you missed out on anything.”

“I might have known my life was less rich than it should have been.”

Sam put down the second headpiece. “I doubt it would have worked that way.”

Pete leaned forward. “I’m still damn lucky to have gotten to know Samantha Carter.”

Pete woke that night when Sam’s cold foot found his warm calf. He thought back over their earlier conversation and wondered if it had all been a hint. Was she telling him she was in a place in life where marriage was something she wanted? Was he ready to make that level of commitment again? His ex-wife had told him their breakup was all his fault. His lack of attention to her needs and his obsession with work had driven her away. Had he matured enough to give a marriage everything it needed? Pete closed his eyes as the questions circled in his head.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Her heart felt like it had been ripped in two as she sat in her lab staring at the small box. She’d been looking for an excuse to tell Pete no and her best excuse had just walked out of her lab after basically telling her to say yes. At least he hadn’t told her to say no and wasn’t the same thing as telling her to say yes.

Maybe her hallucinations had been right when they told her to give up on him. If he wasn’t interested in her that way anymore then she was wasting time and energy hoping to find a way to be with him. Sam opened the box and stared at the ring again. Pete was nice enough and it wasn’t like she had anyone else knocking at her door. Sam closed the box. Shouldn’t she feel more excited?

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam was racked with guilt over trusting the other her, the replicator. If she’d had her way, she would have brought that monster to the SGC. How could her judgement be so flawed? Maybe this is why General O’Neill was still struggling to trust her. An image of him being shot repeatedly popped into her head. Did the other her share that with her to get her sympathy or to torture her knowing it would replay in her head? Sam grabbed her pocketbook and headed to the surface. She was tired of the grey walls.

She got on the interstate instead of heading home. She’d only been to his apartment once, but she remembered the way. The image of Jack dying at her hands repeated in her mind as she drove. That along with again feeling as if she was failing as the leader of SG-1 had driven her to seek out company. She’d spent years seeking Jason’s company in times of need but when she started dating Pete she had decided to make this a real relationship, more than just something physical, so she had tried to not just use him in times of need. As their relationship had developed, she had found herself staying detached and that needed to change now that they were engaged. If she needed comfort, mental or physical, she needed to look to him rather than going home alone. The need to be with someone had driven her to his apartment. As she walked up the steps, she realized she hadn’t even called. 

She sat on the steps for an hour before he came home. He tried to talk to her, ask her why she was on his doorstep, but as soon as they were through the door her lips were on his. They barely made it to his bedroom before their clothes were off. He tried to slow her down and gain some control over the process, but she wasn’t having it. She used him to find her release, giving her the endorphin high she had been chasing. 

Sam buried her guilt the next morning when she felt Pete stir beside her. She’d ignored what he wanted and used him for her own needs last night. He’d tried to talk to her about why she was there and acting unusual, but she had refused to answer, using her body to distract him. He rolled over and laid an arm over her waist.

He put his lips beside her ear. “I’m working second shift this week so I have time for brunch if you can stay for a while.”

“That sounds good. I don’t need to go back until tomorrow.” She gave him a quick kiss, doing her best to avoid his morning breath. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel was missing, again, and her father hated Pete. Sam took another bite of ice cream. It had taken her an hour to convince Pete to go home so he could work tomorrow. In reality she hadn’t cared how long his drive was or what time he needed to be at work; she wanted some time without him around. 

Sam sighed before taking another bite of ice cream. She’d been looking forward to introducing Pete to her dad because she thought this time was going to be different. Her father had never approved of her boyfriends. She’d hoped since Pete had a good job and was her brother’s friend her dad would approve, but as soon as Pete said hello she knew there was no chance. 

Her dad didn’t like him. She used the edge of the spoon to scrape out more ice cream, keeping the top of the ice cream smooth and flat. She looked at the lines the spoon made in the ice cream. Does she like him? Sam shook her head. Of course she does, but does she like him enough to spend her life with him? 

She let the ice cream melt in her mouth. Why is she debating whether or not she likes him? Isn’t the question whether or not she loves him, loves him enough to spend the rest of her life with him? She’d already said yes, so it wasn’t like she could change her mind now, right? Sam licked the spoon. He was her last chance at having a family. It was Pete or being alone for the rest of her life. Would she regret leaving him and being alone more than staying in a relationship that was less than what she had always imagined? Was her imagination even realistic? It’s not like life is a hallmark movie. Maybe like was the best she could hope for. 

Sam looked down at the empty ice cream container. Eating it all just left her feeling worse. She’d need to go for a run in the morning. Sam got up and tossed the container in the trash.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- 

After her run Sam decided to put on a blouse and skirt, since she was planning to take her dad out for dinner that night. Since she had the day off, she went and got a mani pedi. As the nail technician asked her questions about her engagement ring and upcoming wedding Sam’s mood soured even further. As she left the salon her mind was swirling with anxiety over marrying Pete and fears that she had given up on Jack too easily. 

She intended to drive to the base to find her dad but instead found herself at Jack’s house. How exactly had he become Jack instead of General O’Neill? As she pulled into his driveway, she felt her courage seep out of her. She gripped the steering wheel pondering how to approach him about how she felt. Was she only doing this to make herself feel better? Was it fair to tell him if he didn’t feel the same way? Was it fair to not tell him? She made up her mind. It was now or never. She got out of her car and walked around to his back deck.


	11. Chapter 11

All mistakes are mine.

Her father’s funeral was planned, and she had saved the eulogy she’d spent that afternoon writing before curling up on the sofa. Sam pulled the afghan tighter around her shoulders and sipped on her fuzzy navel. Pete had offered to come stay the night, but she had insisted on being alone. The thought of having him here bothered her, which was really all she needed to know. She took another sip. Being in Pete’s arms left her feeling incomplete but for those brief moments in the infirmary observation room while Jack had his arm around her, she felt whole, even amid her grief. Sam closed her eyes. Jack might not be available but that didn’t mean she had to settle. It was unfair to Pete as well as to herself. She was better off alone than with a man she didn’t want to turn to in times of need.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel sat down in the chair in front of Jack’s office. “Ready for this afternoon?”

“As ready as I can be.” Jack kept signing requisitions. “Have you talked to Carter today?”

“Just left her lab.” Daniel leaned forward. “She broke off the wedding.”

Jack stopped writing and looked up. “As in postponed it or she kicked him to the curb?”

“The curb.”

“I see.” Jack looked back down at his desk and moved a couple folders. “We should do something to take Carter’s mind off things.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know.” Jack sat back in his chair. “We need to get her away from here for a while. If we don’t, she’ll just hole up in her lab.”

“She likes it in her lab.”

“We can take her to my cabin.”

“We?”

“Yes, Daniel, we, as in you, me, Teal’c, and Carter. We all have plenty of leave coming our way. We can make it a long weekend, hell we can take a whole week.”

Daniel winced. The thought of a week in cramped quarters and fishing didn’t appeal to him but he saw the logic in getting Sam out of town. “A long weekend sounds good.”

“Excellent. Why don’t you go tell Carter and Teal’c while I make sure we don’t run out of orange juice or titanium.”

“Do orders for orange juice and titanium come to you on the same requisition?”

“You’d be surprised.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sam grew bored watching Daniel and Teal’c play chess, so she went out on the deck. Jack was standing at the far corner leaning forward with his forearms on the deck railing. Sam moved up beside him mimicking his position.

“Thank you for bringing me here. It’s very beautiful.”

“I’m glad you came.”

She turned around. As she settled back against the railing her fingers lightly brushed the inside of his bent elbow. “Jack.”

“Sam.” His voice was deep, and it flowed through her.

“I was thinking about Jonah and Thera the other week.” She gently wrapped her fingers around his forearm.

“Really?”

“I felt so comfortable curling up next to you.”

“Ahhhhh, well, that part was nice.” 

“It was.” She glanced inside the cabin when she heard Daniel complaining about Teal’c’s most recent move. “I know it might be too little too late, but I want you to know I never stopped caring, even if I did give up on us for a while.” She let go of his arm. 

He reached out and grabbed her hand. “I never stopped either.”

“Oh.” She looked at their linked hands. “So are you saying that you...I mean that we…” She let out a small breath. “Are you saying you would be in support of a change?”

He straightened and turned so he was just a smidgen closer. “I would.”

“I have a couple ideas about that, but it will take me a couple days after we get back to work through it.”

“A couple days you say.” He gave her a smile that made her toes curl. “I can do that.”

She looked over his shoulder into the lit cabin. “Did you invite Daniel and Teal’c to keep me on my best behavior?”

He looked over at her through his half-lidded eyes. “It was my behavior that concerned me.”

“You give my self-control too much credit.” 

“Eight years of data says your will power is superhuman.”

“So is yours.”

Jack scoffed. “Hardly.” He squeezed her hand. Sam moved marginally closer. She let go of his hand and stretched her arm out, placing her hand on his chest. His hand lightly landed on her hip. “A couple days, huh?”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel and Teal’c entered Sam’s lab together. “Ready to head to the briefing?”

“Almost.” Sam gave them a tense smile. “I’ve accepted a position at Groom Lake.”

“What?” Daniel's mouth fell open.

“Head of research and design.” Her smile widened but she was still tense. “I’ll get to play a bigger role in ship design, and I’ll have more time with the tech being brought back through the gate.”

“But you won’t be here.” Sam wasn’t sure if Daniel looked more concerned or shocked.

“No.”

Teal’c bent his head forward. “Congratulations Colonel Carter. I know you will do well in your new role.”

“Thanks, Teal’c.”

“Yes, right, congratulations.” Daniel tried to give her a smile, but he failed. “Who’s taking over SG-1?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. I only found out I got it this morning.”

“Oh.” Daniel plopped down on a stool. “I’m guessing Jack knows.”

“He was the first person I told.” She reached out and put her hand on Daniel’s arm. “You guys are the second and third.” She tilted her head. “I know this is a shock, but this opens up some options for you guys as well.”

“Huh?” Daniel’s brow furrowed. 

“Atlantis. Dakkara.”

“Right.”

Sam could see Daniel considering the possibilities. Sam glanced at her clock. “We better get going. We don’t want to keep the General waiting.”

Jack came out of his office as soon as they got to the top of the stairs leading to the briefing room. “Hello campers, ready for an exciting mineral survey?” Jack rubbed his hands together

“Always, sir.” Sam sat to Jack’s right and Teal’c sat to his left. Daniel sat beside Teal’c. 

Daniel was struggling to pay attention as Sam gave an overview of the planetary conditions. Jack kept glancing his way, but Daniel didn’t notice.

Jack couldn’t resist needling him. “Do you agree Daniel?” 

All eyes turned to Daniel. “Huh?”

Sam felt responsible. “It’s my fault, sir. I told them about Groom Lake just before we came down for the briefing. I could have timed it a bit better.”

“I see.” Jack briefly pursed his lips. “Well, let’s make your last mission a success by making sure everyone knows what’s going on.”

Daniel’s head shot up. “Last mission?”

Sam winced. “I might have left that part out.” Sam’s eyes roamed from Daniel to Teal’c. “I start at Groom Lake next month, but I’ve asked for a few weeks off before then. I need time to pack and get moved.”

“I see.” Teal’c nodded. “That is most sensible.”

“Alright, back to the environmental report for P3M-245.” Jack tapped the report laying on the table before him. They got back on topic and finished discussing the mission parameters in less than twenty minutes. 

Sam hung back to talk to Jack as Daniel and Teal’c headed for the stairs. When Daniel looked back, he saw Jack smiling at something Sam had said. “How can he look so happy when he’s losing Sam?”

Teal’c glanced at his close friends. “I do not think O’Neill is losing anything. As a matter of fact, I believe he is gaining something.”

Daniel’s eyebrows inched closer together. “Huh?” Reality hit as Jack’s index finger lightly touched the back of Sam’s hand. “Oh.” He looked back at Teal’c. “Oh.”


	12. Chapter 12

All mistakes are mine.

Jack had a going away cookout for Teal’c and Sam. Lots of people from the SGC attended, which kept Jack busy at the grill. As the crowd dwindled and the cleanup began Sam cornered Jack in his kitchen.

“I’m making lasagna tomorrow.”

“That’s ambitious.”

Sam shrugged. “It’s a bit time consuming, since I make the sauce from scratch, but it will give me plenty of leftovers to keep me going for a week or longer.”

“From scratch, huh.” Jack was wiping food off plates into the trash and loading them into the dishwasher.

“I thought you might like to come over and join me for dinner.”

He looked over at her. She was working hard to hide her nervousness, but he could tell. “I’d like that.” She technically wasn’t in his chain of command anymore, as of yesterday, and he’d been tempted to touch her more than once during the evening, but he’d held back. He didn’t want people to assume they’d been together before the recent change in command. 

“Good.” She gave him a shy smile. “Good.” Her head was bobbing. “I know how things can go sideways so just call when you’re leaving the mountain.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Yeah.” She pointed her thumb over her shoulder. “I should say good-bye to Teal’c one more time and then head home.”

She was bouncing on her toes as she left his kitchen and he noticed, which made his heart a little lighter. He’d been trying to decide how long he needed to wait and how best to ask her out, but he wasn’t surprised she had beaten him to the punch. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The knock at her door made a shiver go down her spine. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before opening the door.

“Hi.” She gave him a beaming smile. He quickly scanned her from head to toe. She was wearing a bit more makeup than most days and a pink dress with buttons down the front. He wondered if she had purposefully left the top three buttons undone. Her feet were bare, and her toes matched the pink of her dress.

“Hi.” He held out a pink and blue box. “I brought dessert.” He shrugged. “My mother said I should never show up for dinner at a friend’s house empty handed.” He was wearing dark brown khakis and a light tan sweater.

The word ‘friend’ bounced around inside her skull as she looked inside the box and saw two bakery decorated cupcakes, one chocolate and one vanilla. “They look delicious.” She took a step back. “Come on in.”

He followed her into the kitchen, sitting the cupcakes on the counter. She took two pans of lasagna out of the refrigerator and laid them on the stovetop while she opened the oven door. She lined them up side by side in the oven and closed the door.

“Two pans?”

“I made a lot of sauce.” She turned towards him and wiped her hands on her dress. “I’m here for three weeks before I leave so I have time to eat the leftovers.” She tilted her head. “If you’re a good boy I might even send you home with some.”

“Doesn’t bringing cupcakes count as being a good boy.”

She stepped up close to him, closer than she usually allowed herself to get. “It’s a good start.”

“What else can I do?” His voice was thick with tension.

She laid her hand flat on his chest. She stepped even closer as she slid her hand up and around his neck. She tilted her head and closed her eyes, hoping he wouldn’t disappoint her.   
When his lips met hers, she felt her abdominal muscles twitch and tighten. His hands moved to her hips as her lips opened for him. He took full advantage of her offer, using his tongue to explore the roof of her mouth. When she wrapped her lips around his tongue and sucked his hips bucked. 

She slid her hand back down and under the edge of his sweater, disappointed to feel a t-shirt under the sweater. As she started untucking his shirt he let go of her hips and grabbed her wrists.

“Sam?” He looked into her eyes. “Shouldn’t we slow down?”

“Why?” She swallowed, tamping down on her fear of rejection.

His eyes moved down to her lips then back up, meeting her gaze. “I don’t know.” She was ready when he bent his head, meeting his lips with a passion she’d been hiding from him for years. He let go of her wrists and moved his hands back to her hips. She pressed her body against him even as she simultaneously tried to tug on his shirt. He pulled his head back from her. “This doesn’t seem like the right venue.”

Sam nodded as she tried to reign in her need to keep touching him. She wrapped her fingers around the palm of his hand, leading him out of the kitchen and down the hall. She said nothing as she opened the door to her bedroom. Once she was in the room, she turned back towards him and touched the bottom edge of his sweater, lifting up. She looked up at him as she pulled the sweater over his head. His eyes were dark and intense, making a shiver run through her body. 

He reached out and unbuttoned two of the buttons on her dress, exposing the edges of her pink lacy bra. His thumbs traced the lace as she untucked the rest of his shirt. He opened two more buttons before pulling her against him, pressing his lips against hers. His lips nipped along her jawline and down her neck, making her fingers dig into his shoulders.

“Oh yes, Jack.” His teeth pressed against her collarbone at the sound of his name. She bunched his t-shirt in her hands, pulling it over the back of his head and interrupting his kisses to get it over his head. As he refocused on her lips, sucking her tongue between his lips she opened a few more buttons on her dress, just enough to let it slide off her shoulders. It bunched at her feet, leaving her in nothing but her matching bra and panties. 

Jack felt the fabric fall. He pulled his head back to look at her, admiring her beauty and openness. His hands cupped her breasts as his thumbs traced the edge of her bra cups. He felt the shiver run through her as she gasped. His hands slid around to her back so he could unclasp her bra. He used his thumbs to slide the straps down her arms. As he was removing her bra, she unbuttoned the fly of his khakis and slid the zipper down. 

“Lay down.”

She liked that it was a request not an order. She sat on the edge of the bed and then scooted back far enough to make room for him. He let his khakis fall around his ankles before kneeling on the edge of the bed. She briefly saw the red and blue stripes on his boxers before her view was obscured by his head moving down to capture her right nipple in his mouth. She threaded her fingers through his hair as he lavished her breast with his tongue. Her legs wrapped around his hips, encouraging him to get closer but instead he slipped further down her body. 

He curled his fingers in the top edge of her panties and pulled them down as she lifted her rear, helping him get them off. He kissed the inside of her thigh, slowly moving back up her body. She twitched as she anticipated his destination, anxious to feel his tongue probe her. She moaned as his thumbs opened her letting his tongue make a path up to her clit. When his tongue hit home, she shuttered and grabbed his head, begging him for more.

He obliged by wrapping his lips around her clit while sliding two fingers into her. He curled his fingers as his tongue flicked her clit. She moaned loudly, repeating his name. As her muscles tightened, she began repeating the word yes, occasionally punctuated with his name. 

He knew he’d met his objective when she screamed her release. “Oh, God! Yes, Jack, Yes!”

He crawled up beside her and kissed her, sharing her taste with her, before slowly sliding his fingers out of her. As her senses came back, she reached down and wrapped her hand around his erection, impressed with the size of it. She’d had brief glimpses of him in his underwear a couple times off world when they shared a tent and in the locker room so she had assumed he was above average but feeling him erect was a new ball of wax. Her brain told her to pay back the lavish attention he had just gifted her by going down on him, but her body told her that she needed him inside her now. 

Tonight, her body would win. She used her feet to slide his boxers down, freeing him. She widened her knees, opening herself as much as possible. He needed no other offer. She guided him to her entrance and tilted her hips as he pushed. He grunted and she moaned as he stilled after pushing in as far as possible. Their eyes locked for a moment before he kissed her, probing her mouth just as he was probing her below. Her muscles gripped him, eliciting a growl from deep within his chest. 

He began moving, unable to hold off any longer. She met each thrust with equal fervor. He put his hand behind her left knee, pushing her leg towards her chest. The change in angle felt amazing for both of them. She reached between them and rubbed her clit as his thrusts increased in speed. He found his release moments before she had her second orgasm. He collapsed on top of her as he released her leg. She stretched under him as she found his lips for a slow deep kiss. 

After he slipped out of her he rolled off and pulled her halfway on top of him. She nuzzled his neck as she got comfortable. They both sighed, eliciting a small chuckle from Sam.

He spread his fingers across her naked back. “Was this your plan when you invited me over for dinner?”

“Absolutely.” She ran her fingers through the hair on his chest. “That’s why I waited until you were here before I put the lasagna in the oven.”

“You always come up with the best plans.”

She smiled as she twisted her head so she could see his profile. “I didn’t think I could handle small talk over beer and appetizers like a normal first date.” A muscle under his eye twitched, so she knew something was bothering him. “What?” He didn’t answer. She reached up and placed her fingers on the side of his face, encouraging him to look at her. “Jack?”

“I can’t do a one-night stand, not with you.”

“That was never my intent.” Her thumb traced his cheekbone. “I’ll happily do small talk over beer and appetizers later, but tonight I needed this.” She pushed herself up so she could look down on him. “I needed you, all of you.” She leaned down and tenderly kissed him. 

The over timer buzzed. Sam pulled back and gave him a dazzling smile. “Times up.” She rolled off of him and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching down and picking up his t-shirt. She slipped it on and stood.

“Hey, that’s mine.” He appreciated that it only barely covered her ass.

“Yep.”

He reached out as she got to the door. “I think you forgot something.”

“Nope.” The timer was still buzzing.

“Like pants.” He heard her giggle float down the hall.

He got up and slipped his boxers and khakis back on. When he got to the kitchen, she was pulling the second lasagna out of the oven and closing the door with her hip.

“Be careful. You don’t want to get burned down there.”

She snickered. “I’ll be fine.”

“Do you cook half naked often?”

“Not nearly often enough.” She moved to the sink and washed her hands before getting out a tub of butter. She scooped out a couple spoonfuls and put them into a bowl. He watched her mix in garlic before sitting the bowl aside and pulling a loaf of bread off the top of the refrigerator. She started slicing the bread. “You could make yourself useful.” She looked over her shoulder. “There’s salad fixings in the refrigerator.”

As Jack moved towards the refrigerator, she tisked and shook her head. “Wash your hands first.”

He smirked, knowing she was thinking about where his hands had just been. “Yes, ma’am.”

When she got done buttering the bread, she put the tray in the oven and reset the timer. “I think I’ll clean up and find some pants while you finish the salads.”

He reached out, snagging her hand. “You’re right.”

“I usually am but what was I right about this time?”

“This, this is right.”

Jolinar’s feelings for Martouf and Lantash flashed into her mind. Her memories of how Narim and Orlan felt about her floated to the surface. Those feelings had weighed her down for years because she didn’t think she could ever find them for herself, but as she stood her in her kitchen looking at Jack she knew that she had what she had believed was beyond her reach. She finally had real love. “Yes, yes, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Thanksgiving gift to you is to finish this story a day early! Thanks for all the reviews. I promise something else is already in progress!


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